Sorry it’s been so long. I’ve been busy living the life… And I only started blogging so people can get familiar with my writing before my book drops! Yeah stupid! H Diddy Blogger is writing a book, gonna change my name to H Diddy Published Author or some shit like that soon enough 🙂 hahahha!
Oh yeah and before I go in here’s a little disclaimer. I pulled something from my book that has to do with “addiction” and added it in here because it fits right in pocket with where I wanted to go with this blog. So don’t take offense because it ain’t about you, but it is about “you!” (If you catch my drift)
When people classically define “ADDICTION” it goes something like this…
addiction (plural addictions)
- The state of being addicted; devotion; inclination.
- A habit or practice that damages, jeopardizes or shortens one’s life but when ceased causes trauma.
- A pathological relationship to mood altering experience that has life damaging consequences.
- His addiction was to courses vain. Shakespeare.
What it means to me? Well…
To most of you who know me by now. I’m a bit of an excentic type. I think outside the box and I pretty much care too much, but will be the first to say, “I don’t give a fuck!” Kinda sorta like a walking contradiction/paradox type of guy if you think about it, but it seems to work cause I ain’t got no problems with people and the girls love me like Seth Cohen. 😉
So… I’ve done and seen more things in my 25+ years on this planet then most people will do in a life time and it’s only just begun and there’s so much to see and do still.
And that leads me into my “ADDICTION.” H… Yes me, is an addict. To what You ask???
Yeah, so follow me so you can understand where I’m going with this… I’ve almost had my life taken more times then I can remember. From almost dying when my mother gave birth to me, to more recently almost being a victim of a shooting.
All things you’d think a kid who grew up in the suburbs would avoid, but like they always say, “shit can happen to anyone.”
But… When I talk about “The Life,” I mean “Lifestyle.”
See from day one I was groomed to feel special and carry myself like I would never need/want for anything. I got everything I asked for and never questioned why or how it came to me. My family pretty much spoiled me. Toys, food, money and as I got older, cars, homes and more money. I was addicted to that way of life…
Now don’t get it twisted, I did have a 9 to 5 (for a year) and eventually made myself into a moderately successful business man in the span of 3 years or so, but it wasn’t enough to sustain a lifestyle that I was accustom to and wanted for myself…
Bottom line I needed my old lifestyle back to be happy…
I can’t really blame anyone, but myself for my addiction. I took it and ran with it and figured there’s always going to be a pile of money fall back on so I can keep doing me and not worry.
Well I finally came to a realization that there is more to life than just doing what I want to do… I had to MAN UP!
“The Life,” like with any drug, is something I became dependent on to the point where I would run back and fiend for a fix. Money was like that to me and when the powers that be cut my supply to minuscule figures, I had to rethink where I was going and what I was doing.
I know my family had planned on me to become something through education and opportunity, but my family neglected to instill a work ethic in me.
The result… I breezed through school. Tried working (not my bag at all…) I started and excelled in the business I started, but fell in and out of focus over time because when profits were slim and directions had to change I couldn’t adapt as well as I thought I could and then my ADDICTION took over.
I never realized that there was a whole world I was missing because of the choices I made do to my addiction. I “settled” for the least in everything I did to maintain a lifestyle of what I look at now as total mediocrity.
I was getting fatter (I lost most of it now 😉 ahaha)… I lost the motivation to move in the business I wanted to grow in… And most of all I was in a misguided relationship that more than anything nurtured my addiction.
Part of any addiction is finding something about it that makes you feel good to make you look past the physical and mental damage you’re doing to yourself.
Now being that I changed my outlook in general on relationships and women like 4 years ago, I was content in what I had chosen as a path and I thought it was right for me. No more games and I’m gonna roll with this and see how it is like being a “one woman man.”
Shit… I’ll be damned if it was nothing, but the addiction making me think unclear. I held on to something that was to me the realest thing I ever felt emotionally, but mentally straining… Deep down I knew I was settling for less, but I was so strung out on “The Life” and I didn’t feel like doing more and to pull away from that person and seeing them hurt, hurt me even more at the time. I was in bad shape… I think Kanye calls it being on “Love Lockdown,” but looking back on it, it was actually drugs…
Like for real where I took myself after I parted ways with that drug made me really gain back my dignity and gave me a wealth of pride that has made me pretty confident in my swagger…
I know now, I’m too FLY & too FRESH for the chick I was with before, and I’d rather be with someone who has confidence, at least some self esteem and someone who doesn’t depend on a man to save them. And me being someone else’s addiction was dangerous ground and seeing them fiend for me showed me yeah, 1) I can love someone, but 2) I love myself more, so I tried and had to go and get over it…
Bottom line, everyone on my side who said it was wrong was right and on the flipside I was everything right for that person and at the same time I wasn’t because… That’s something I’ll cover in the book (Focus On Women & You Get Less Done…Spring 2009, read some excerpts from the book @ https://hdiddydollar.wordpress.com/2008/09/05/focus-on-women-you-get-less-done-a-preview-of-my-book/). I don’t want to get too far off topic right now…
I’m going through changes physically, mentally and finally motivating myself to do things on my own financially. Which means, yes… Working for other people, which I don’t actually mind now because I’m in a sound work environment and I get to go out of the house daily. 🙂 Something all you rich brat ass niggas should try because it actually feels good to earn your keep and ballin’ is so much easier when you know that the funds ain’t in some secured trust or some shit…
To be frank, I should have done this over 2 years ago. It ain’t that hard and it’s kinda fun to set new personal goals that lead me towards real rewards. (YES I SOUND SO 13 STEPS AND/OR REHAB PATIENT, BUT IT’S REAL TALK).
As for the “The Life…” Yeah I’m still addicted to it, but now there’s a lot more to live for because the worthwhile changes have brought NEW people to me and a NEW life that has made it better for me and I’m thankful for that.
My bond with my old friends and family that supported me through my “detox” of my old ways grew stronger, while I grew to appreciate the new friends that now make my days and nights better. 🙂
ADDICTION…It’s terrible and I’ve tried to pop pills, smoke weed, alcohol and most recently cigarettes, but nothing is as addictive as “The Life.” I don’t need that other crap, I just want to be happy and see people around me happy. That’s what I’ve always been good at, ‘bringing people up,’ but when “The Life” tries to bring you down then you know you’re fucking with the wrong drugs.
So now it’s nothing, but healthy/clean living and being addicted to being able to live another day and enjoy “The Life” I’ve been missing for a good part of the last 3 years… If I can do that and make myself a better person in the process, I’m going to OVERDOSE ON LIFE till I DIE from it….
“I’m a legend with a legacy that can’t help but survive. Even when I fuckin’ DIE they gonna bury me ALIVE…” -Drake
– H Diddy Blogger… Out.
PS: Don’t do drugs kids, I was using the drug references as a methaphor and I’m sorry for being so raw in my writing… I’m not here to offend, I’m hear to vent, teach and most of all speak my mind and shed some truth in a world of lies… We’re all addicted to something and it takes a lot out of me to admit I actually fucked up for once… Peace.