1: 47AM Christmas Morning and I just got off the phone with a friend of mine who read this blog. Again I got my props for laying it down the way I always do, but it hit me. Am I doing this for show now or am I still not happy? So I read it again and decided to AMEND some parts and add a disclaimer.(AMENDED PASSAGES ARE IN BOLD PRINT)
Also… A good friend of mine told me tonight that I survived a hail of bullets, life threatening illness, 2 car accidents and a broken heart, but I bitch about the last thing the most… Why?
BECAUSE the broken heart didn’t try to KILL ME… I made me feel human … Less like the world had to cater to me. It showed me that being shallow for so long only put me in a worse space with the people who really count in my life.
I was with someone who only cared about me in the same shallow sense they care about the next person they’re with… The difference with me was when I was ready to go all I believed that they were better then that, but truth be told they only care about themselves…
Now I can’t do anything, but take in the LIFE, I’m suppose to LIVE now…
LET’S GO IN…
DISCLAIMER: I’m done writing about how much I’ve been hurt or things of that nature because on the real, I’m only hurting because I haven’t taken the time to realize that everything that’s happened to me has happened for a reason and the ultimate testament to that will be the book I’ve written. So no more of this shit from me in my blog wait for the book in 2009….
As 2008 comes to a close I’ve learned a lot of things such as…
00. I stopped getting BITTER… I just get BETTER…
01. Sometimes the people who say they really love us only do when they need us.
02. SETTLING for less is not an option.
03. It ain’t all about money.
04. I have great taste in rings. Simple without the flaws… On my second time at this I’m gonna do it right this time though, but not anytime soon.
05. Lois Lame saved my life! Not literally of course. LL came into my LIFE the night I was potentially going to RUIN my life. We helped each other get through a few rough patches and now we have a bond that I hope will last a very long time.
06. Nickelus F & Drake saved me from leaving the music business. Drake getting signed only showed me that we’re all capable of getting to another level in anything we do. No label would gamble on signing the half jewish/black kid from Degrassi, but Drake made them pay attention and when Lil Wayne took him under his wing, he was GONE! This only motivated F & myself to keep it going and do music for the LOVE of the art and not the money. I LOVE HIP HOP again.
07. USA Today is AWESOME and taught me I can work for people if they’re as cool as me. They really are cool!
08. Thinking POSITIVE seems to work better then being so NEGATIVE… (Thank you Aby)
09. I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t ONE.
10. My real FAMILY & FRIENDS have held me down this year. I LOVE Y’ALL!!!
11. The girl that peed in my car can kill herself and I’ll prolly see her in HELL after she does. I’m sorry I just can’t get over that stuff because I really did let it slide, bitch… but you had to go where you went with it and I’m so obligated to let the world know that you’re a MONSTER. You’re lucky I don’t have a picture of you because I’d post that shit… The green piss monster looks close enough to you and will have to do for now.
12. Writing a book and now this blog has given me space to think clearly and show people that I’m as human as they are…
So much has gone on in 2008 and it being Christmas Eve I decided to be alittle retrospective in my thoughts on this year in my life.
See I’ve been uninspired lately and can’t seem to draw up words for shit. Maybe because I stopped drinking… Or maybe it’s because I’ve shed a lot of the insecurities that made me write such off the wall things before.
Being bitter was my inspiration, but now I feel more sorry then bitter for the person I was bitter at. Which is kinda sad because before I exited their life, they had so much potential to do more, but the shift in KARMA (I GUESS) put that on me and every bit of anger and hatred they have for me now only translate to LOVE on this end because they hate me for a bunch of lies they created in their own head to save face for people who really don’t care either way… Let me rephrase this to people who do care because to be honest I do care and one thing I always said to myself was I wanted to see this person happy and if that’s what they are now, so be it.
Maybe down the line that person will understand ME, but I’ll never forget THEM and will never forget that as much as that person threw their new life in my face it didn’t did matter because my dear if you look at yourself now, you’re a shell of what you used to be and could have been in my eyes…
But now it’s same shit different day for you, but now you have someone who caters to your flaws rather then makes you better to stand with… I can appreciate that for 2 years of MY LIFE I made your LIFE BETTER and that’s why you had so much trouble letting go of me at first, but for me I will never get over the TIME I WASTED to see it all go the direction it did.
I can honestly say that’s my fault because my energy wasn’t directed towards anything good at any particular point the first half of 2008 and now I just don’t care I can’t do a thing but do ME…
SPITE factor me with your actions because that was just a react to everything I did to SPITE you, but at the end of the day when the paparazzi is snapping pictures of our lives everyone will wonder what happened between now and then that made ME into what I am today and I’ll have to owe that all to you and you alone because… It’s in my book… THANK YOU… I owe you a lot.
What else I’ve learned in 2008 is that showing off my skin has opened up a world of opportunity to me and given me freedom to look beyond people who judge me.
Whether I go to HEAVEN or HELL I’ll know that no one pushed me in either direction, but myself!
I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain, like the WORLD IS MINE.. Which it is going to be…
Like I’ve said in the past, “I do what I want, you do what you can…”
That philosophy has taken me to heights I never imagined within a few short months and I’m moving higher as we speak.
I finally realize why my family raised me the way they did and made me live the way I live now, it was to prepare me for what is to come for me.
Never-mind what I’ve already got (money, land, people…), that is part of it, but POWER; that’s the ultimate reward and now I have the mindset to administer power without G.W. Bushing the situation. I’m after more and won’t stop till I get it.
2008 has been nothing, but learning for me and sometimes lessons we learn in life come later in life…
I NEVER expected to get my heart broken… I NEVER expected to work for the man… I NEVER expected to change the focus of my book to one person… I NEVER expected to actually finish my book… I NEVER expected to lose weight… I NEVER expected to meet new people who have changed me for the better… I NEVER expected to let go of the past to see a brighter future, while the past is holding out for a lame future (let me stop hating…) 😉 . I NEVER expected to be a blogger… I NEVER used to say never till the unexpected happened…
In 2008 I’ve also learned a few funny things too like…
1. Because you drive hybrid doesn’t mean you’re saving the environment… Not driving saves the environment and hybrid SUVs are retarded… 2009 CLS or GLS is in my future…. FUCK GOING GREEN!
2. My taste in women has changed and M.Rell was right going on about 3 years now on that… YES PEOPLE I KNOW I CAN DO BETTER, BUT I WAS CONTENT and that’s what it was at the time and now it’s on to…
3. White girls get the thumbs up! (Lois Lame enough said!)
4. Alireza & Shaun are gonna have a problem by summer 2009 when I bring the 50 Cent out on em and take all they hoes!
5. Women are beautiful till they want a handout. I just love this line…. DRAKE!
6. And this is a big one. Any feeling towards someone else means you still CARE. It’s funny because you can scream out I hate you, all day, but that’s just showing that you CARE. I guess I CARE… I got a heart still. I LOVE EVERYONE!
That’s about it… I’m done! 2008 was my turning point and now I’m better, brighter and sort of happy. 🙂
So what do I get in 2009?
I can get whatever I like…. yeeeahhh…
LISTEN: ===> Drake – Get Over It
D/L: ===> Drake – Get Over It
H Diddy Blogger… OUT
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