So lately I haven’t been so detailed or open with y’all about much. It’s been a good 3 weeks since I’ve written anything really meaningful from the place in my brain that connects to my heart, but today it’s Mother’s Day and since I’ve got the THE BEST MOM IN THE UNIVERSE! I wanted to share how I feel about her and what it is means to have a great mother, woman and friend in my life with y’all.
Mom… She came over to the states from a well to do Filipino family to study nursing and to see the world. The first in her family to transfer over to the U.S., as a matter of fact.
Moms was FLY! We got one of those old slide projector things and she got frames and frames of her early 20’s antics in the states. She had long hair and was built right! It kinda makes me think sometimes how she ended up with my father??? (*Joking* Pops had game!)
But love is love and that’s what they were… In LOVE. Mom took it upon herself to become greater than the expectations of her family and peers after she met my father. And it was not through what she had don at school or work, but what she did to establish herself for the rest of her life…
My dad is black… A light skinned nigga from a very smart family with a bloodline of people that have changed the world for the better and have made it so we can have a “black president” today, that’s enough about him though. This is about Mom…
I bring this all up because I came from 2 different worlds of understanding and culture that made me into the person I am. See my mother felt the pressures of life, but knew her path. As I got older and my family situation some how became a rocky one at home. I asked the questions of how did y’all get together or what am I?
See we moved from Queens, NY to Long Island, NY when I was in elementary school. One good neighborhood to another, but back then L.I. was W-H-I-T-E and I didn’t know that meant I was different cause I grew up around white people and my best friend up until I moved was white.It’s a crazy deal seeing all that transfer over into what I now see as what should have been a culture shock to me, but I didn’t know…I was confused. It got to a point where I would come up with some crazy lines about how I was “Russian” because I really fucked with comedian Yakov Smirnoff (don’t ask me why… I don’t even know why…). It kinda was an escape from the reality that I faced daily of this culture shock. I was never really the victim of racism or anything, but I didn’t really have much to work with on the understanding tip because I didn’t even know what racism was or what I was. When someone asks you, what’s your background and you don’t know, it’s kind of puts you in a space where you need to come up with answers. The answers I gave kinda made it hard for me to cope with the reality that I was different for sometime.
Which today has made me a person who doesn’t care about the colors and cultures I see. I’m as blind as Stevie Wonder to that, but it has made me have a hunger to challenge the things about different races and cultures that divides us. I don’t think it’s write to segregate yourself from what’s out there. The greatest things come from learning and embracing other cultures. Not saying, you don’t get it, so you can’t embraces it. I get that fire from my Aunt Una… (That’s another blog)
Now where does my Mom fit into this?
Well Mom never ever let us know exactly what we were. Black/Asian or whatever. Which to me was a blessing and a curse because I looked mixed up until I was 5 or 6 and had hair like I was one of the Beatles and after my first real haircut, my hair grew out and I had an afro and was a lightskinned black kid overnight.
I CRIED!!!! But I dealt with it and Mom still never let my sister and I let people put us down for how we looked. We were both cute, but when you can’t put a tag on where the cuteness came from, it makes it kind of hard to identify yourself when asked those critical questions as you grow up.
Mom always kept us right though and I don’t think she ever wanted us to know what it was really like out there. We just always got the best and were groomed to be the best in school, sports and life in general. My sister and I excelled above and beyond because of the way Mom taught us to always “love school and work.”
Ironically these were the things I ever really questioned and yeah it got me in trouble… It was so easy for me to do school and I had a high IQ, I can’t remember it, but it got me in those gifted students classes all through elementary to high school. THANKS MOM!
So Mom took a lot on with me as I grew up, but always believed in my dreams. When I planned on not going to school for Law, but for Journalism, she supported that. When I gave up sports for music, she supported that. When I decided to not work in Journalism and follow my dreams, she supported that.
MOM HELD ME DOWN! I wasn’t the child of her dreams like Karen became (even though that nigga got her issues), but I gave Mom my high school and college diploma and whatever I could to make her day better because she loved that shit.
Today, I’ve compromised myself for the sake of my mother and family so they can see that their investment in me was worth it. It took me 27 years to come to the conclusion that the “DREAM” is always going to be there, but how we get it isn’t as easy as jsut having a great ambition for it, so I got my act together and I do it for her now.
And when I start my own family, I’ll always instill that in my children’s head. How it can be if you know how to do it right. No free rides, unless you’ve earned it and you’re surely not getting it from me. Only person that’s gonna be spoiled is the Mother of my children because I’m a handful and I’m sure my babies will be too and Pops always taught me to do right by the woman you truly love because if you lose that… Ain’t no one gonna be able to hold you down when shit is tough. Pops is old as dirt, but he’s right. So I will cherish the lady in my life and the time I have left with my Mom and Dad as well because they created me and from the way I was raised I can do no wrong in their eyes, so it’s only made me want to do good.
Today is Mother’s Day and I’m no where near perfect, but I know that my Mother LOVES me as much as the day she saw my big head for the first time and I love her just the same.
To all my people out there think about what matters the most to you all today and don’t be afraid to chase your dreams because your mother’s dream is to see you truly happy in life or else she wouldn’t have created you.
Mom, I’ve done good and bad in my life and you always were there for me. You put me in the top slot even though there were times I didn’t deserve it. You nurtured me to want to be a good provider, friend and love to the right woman and when she comes along, I’ll make sure the energy you put into me is transfered over to her and we share the ideals that made my family stick together through it all.
YOU’RE THE FUCKING BEST!!! I LOVE YOU MOM!
Nickelus F – I Am What I Am
D/L: ===> I Am What I Am (Produced by Tommy Hittz)
“I am what I am and I can’t change the way that I am, but if i could lord knows I would in a heartbeat just to see a smile on your face… I Love you Ma”