So I’m gonna be 29 this year and sit back and wonder what my life’s been like since I’ve “grown up” and I think “daam… It hasn’t been much of a ride lately.”
I can’t complain about much though. I have been and always will be straight, but really there hasn’t been much “action” lately.
Bringing it way back… I surely can’t complain about my upbringing either, I wasn’t too awkward as a teen and I was always in a position to do something good with myself, but why do I feel like I’m stuck in a rut now?
There’s no real answer to it, but really a need for a call for change… A picking up of the pace of LIFE… A transition from “fitting in to standing out.” God only knows what the pace of my life will be like with some form of change, but I’m more open than ever to it because of key people in my life that seem to demand it from me now.
One being my ===> SISTER… She always wonders why I don’t do more besides write and chill all the time. Questions the fact I’m doing me more than some other things and it’s cool, but I just tell her “there will be time for that when I retire.” Which I hope is soon… 32 year old retirement party anyone?
Two: ===> my MUSE… The sometimes standoffish, but only breath of fresh air in my LIFE… They one person who makes me feel like there’s more to this LIFE than just “the LIFE.” She’ll be the first to egg me on to do more traveling or see more thing and explore and open my mind up to more than just my little world. She thinks I live in my “blog world” more than the real world sometimes… She has a point, but again I’m content till I find it in me to do more than just me right now…
Three: ===> my FRIENDS… I love em like family and for some reason, the ones that have stuck around, know me for a lot more than the brash, foolish, racist, and most of all cruel person I come off to be sometimes. They bring out the worst and the best in me, but most of all actually care… I’ve never been in a real position of severe need in my life, but I know that if I fall they’ll be there to catch me, just like my fam would. They pose to me the challenge of living it up. From Shaun getting me twisted at the club off 4 bottle of Champagne to Shkeema, Who-Lee Hoop and Aby showing me that girls can get it in just like us guy sometimes… Then there’s Ali… Well we keep it real… We spend a lot of money competing on who can get the best toys. 2009 I went economy class though so you win. 2010? Bentley GT > 3 Series BMW? I think so… And no one does it bigger than Kofi, No one is as fly as Ace, No one more expensive than Nammi, Kenny’s my white brother & Lois Lame is my white girl, Anoop & Nu are my brown brothers… Alex is everything I used to be, but more ambitious and hungry… I can only lead this dude by example and hope he doesn’t make the same errors I did before I really learned the music game… So yeah… ===> YOU’RE ALL MY NIGGAS! And I ride with you!
Four my ===> PARENTS… The sweetest people I know and as the shift in power has moved over to my sister and I, they take the brunt of the abuse now because we carry them like they’re our children. It’s kinda weird, but it’s the natural order of things I guess. They urge me to move on and up with myself. Settle down… Start a family… Start to see LIFE for the way they did before society went to HELL… I FUCKING FEEL YA… But as much as I want it, I want it to be with the right person and it will come to me, if it already hasn’t. 😉
Five ===> NICK! (NICKELUS F)… Optimistic… Insightful… Smart… Homie’s smart and is a sponge even though he chief’s daily. A genius to me in so many lights and has only give me one bit of advice in my whole LIFE that kinda made me not do one of the stupidest things I could have even done with myself over a year ago. This nigga hasn’t seen half the shit I’ve seen, but will soon enough see it all. He’s been blessed with a new family, a new home and he’s blessed me to see that we’re not all alike or have the same aspirations, but at the end of the day… LOVE is LOVE and if they don’t “LOVE” you it ain’t poppin’. Words that I carry with me when I think about relationships, friendships and family… Now it’s all UNCONDITIONAL LOVE with me and if you don’t LOVE ME… THEN LEAVE ME ALONE. 😉
So this LIFE… HA! It’s mine and I got to figure out what to do with it. I’m so in tune with the pace of sound (MUSIC) and other people that I sometimes forget that there’s so much more I can be doing rather than keeping up with shit. It’s perplexing in a way… I do me… I mind them… I forget I’m suppose to be doing me… I do me more and it gets out of hand…
It’s a struggle for sure and I’m no where near coping with it anytime soon. I look at the way some people have to “LIVE” and think to myself, “thank goodness I was raised the way I was.”
Than in extreme cases I think, “maybe that way would be better.”
Then I go, “NAAAAHHHH… I’m straight…”
BLOODY HELL! LIFE! I wasted so much of it… From college to 3 years of wandering through LIFE wondering if I can fit into a world that I was never meant to be in. LIFE is a trip I’ve always seen myself coast through till real decisions needed to be made and like my heart rate when I run, the pace speeds up till I run out of steam… And what do you do when you run out of steam?
You keep going… You make shit work for you the best way you can. You pick up the pace even more… You relax, relate, release and expand your mind to make it all clear.
YOU LIVE THE “FAST LIFE”
Why not? It’s about time I saw what people have been talking about for so long and just live it up. I’m not talking about drugs, sex and rock & roll… I’m talking about LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE… Be more in tune with HAPPINESS rather than SHIT.
See I tend to pick apart, rationalize and most of all patronize… I’ve never claimed to be the smartest person I know, but I’m the most logical. Things I do sometimes don’t make sense, but to me they make complete sense because at the end of the day it’s what works best for me. People can’t handle my type of thinking sometimes because it’s so outside the box that it’s on another planet. Give me ground to make the claim that I can do shit like be PRESIDENT one day or be more than just what I am and I believe I can do it. “SUCCESS IS NOT AN OPTION… IT’S MY BURDEN… I’VE BEEN CALLED FORTH! “
See the shining example of my being is that I’m “UNFORGETTABLE” I may not impact everyone’s LIFE, but I’ll make an impression and for me to pace it out with a new way of living can be revolutionary… MONUMENTOUS.
So lets say that My SISTER, the MUSE, My FRIENDS, My PARENTS and NICK are right and I “reform” myself and adapt to not just doing me, but to do more… Where do you think that will take me in life?
Fucking great question… I have no clue right now, but I’m working on an answer. Shit a lot of you who read my shit already know where I’m at and what I’m capable of, but why don’t I do it?
Because I haven’t learned what it means to live yet. Can’t have it all unless you know how to use it… I’m on a mission to do my motherfuckin’ best to use my life to the fullest… If you with me let’s ride cause it’s gonna be a fast ride to the top.
So goals for the 3rd & 4th quarter of 2009… Pick up the pace… Live Fast…
– H Diddy Blogger… Out
“Look I work hard, but I’m underpaid/ And I never ran away, but I’m like a runaway/ Veeeerrmmm Roooooom! Speedin’ on the highway…” – Nickelus F
D/L: ===> Nickelus F – Outta Here
“Livin the fast LIFE, in fast cars/ Everywhere we go, people know who we are/ A team from out of Queens with the American dream/ So we’re plottin up a scheme to get the seven figure cream…” -Kool G. Rap & Nas
D/L: ===> Kool G Rap ft. Nas – Fast LIFE
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