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Archive for June 28th, 2009

So I wrote like a 2000 word blog on “BITCHES” the other day and it didn’t move me. As much truth that i could spill about how women are, what’s the point in letting them know?

First off they don’t listen… Second, they don’t care… Third, what’s the point?

One thing I’ve learned about women in general is that they don’t see what’s good for them, they see what they want and have to get hurt multiple times to finally realize that… Well I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m over trying to figure it out again and need some time again to figure myself out again. So I’m writing this as reminder that there’s still room for improvement with old #1 here… Let’s go in!

With so much good shit going on lately I can’t help but feel drained for some reason… Like my energy isn’t were it used to me. My routine since the top of the year has been to fill my life with “GOOD,” but things seem to have taken a turn I can only expect because the part of me that can’t shut the fuck up and be happy tends to mess up my vibe (what else is new).

question_mark_faceI’m creatively at a low point and literally not in the mood for bullshit. So like I said in my Dear Summer Blog, “I’m taking a break!” After July 4th I’m gonna start doing me again like I did for half of 2008 cause I’ve got a feeling that I haven’t found my path at all yet. Even though I thought I was on it as 2009 started, I feel now that I was so wrong… I’m noticing that lately… Not wrong literally, but wrong in my approach. Patients, Timing and Understanding are three things I’ve neglected in my pursuits this year. Now I get it and it took what I feel as a major lose of someone to get it, but people come and go and come back around. So I’m confident that when I’m right again things will connect again. Well I hope they do…

So… What’s wrong?

I should be content and most of all happy now. I’ve been blessed with the best, my family has grown with the addition of 2 extended little ones and one immediate (baby girl I think) coming in the winter. I’m 100% confident in my work, 100% confident in my team and 100% not sure about me at all anymore.

successI know SUCCESS is going to be the ultimate REWARD, but the most OFFICIAL LIFE is the ultimate GOAL. That’s all I really ever wanted…I still feel the window for that is still open as long as I start to do more towards it. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like doors for opportunity are closing on me because I don’t move on them soon enough. The more I think about it the more it makes me feel stressed out and tired… The more I try to play it off the more bad I do… Shit… Am I case for some one who needs religion or what?

But you know what, fuck all that! I’m close enough to my dreams to know that religion can’t save me… I just need love and someone with sense to tell me the truth enough so I can believe it… I felt I had that for a little bit this year and feel I’ve  lost it. Kind of makes me feel incomplete in a way, but I can’t really feel that way anymore cause I was too selfish to see past my own shit to appreciate that person for who they were and their real place in my world.

So I think and rethink and ponder and reference and take notes and study and analyze and pick apart everything till I feel there’s a rational way to put it… Then it’s gone…

Nick (Nickelus F) has put my trials and tribulations in records sometimes cause I talk to him about shit I sometimes can’t even talk to my closet people about and he made a valid point to me recently on a track… And that is I don’t get it sometimes, but someones got to be a PIONEER…

Maybe that’s what it is…. I just don’t get it, so I’m gonna take my time again to actually get it and see where that takes me again. It took me less then a year to bury the old me and I’ll be damned if I i dig that sad nigga up again. Chasing after a lame and thinking the world owed him everything… NURP!

I’m at least more confident if anything and now it’s just a matter of making it towards my real goals.

Someones got to be a PIONEER, right? And when I finally get that outlet, I’ma fuck up a lot of people’s thinking with what I bring tot he table. 2020…

-H Diddy Blogger… Out…

…::::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Go hard, today/Can’t worry the past, coz that yes-sterday/ Ima put it on tonight coz it’s my time” -Jeremih

D/L: ===> Fabolous ft. Jeremih – My Time

D/L: ===> Nickelus F – Guitar Vengence

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