One year of unbelievable change for me and it can only get better from here. It’s truly been a hell of a run! I’ve finally become in-tune with myself, we’ve built the right team to make this music thing work for “us” finally and I’m in a positive state of mind that’s been driven by getting to write in this blog.
Now my blog… It’s grown to be my baby and hub for me to basically vent out, rejoice and ponder over my life and what’s in it. So far there’s been four main elements that’s driven me to write:
1) My family, friends, Nickelus F & Drake – The people… Over the past year so much has gone on in my family; from my father falling ill, my sister about to have a baby, Nick having his babies and of course Drake becoming the biggest thing in Hip Hop. It’s all in here and every event has inspired me to write…
2) My Past – Okay… It took me some time to realize that at the end of the day I was wrong for caring and sticking around with someone when the only thing good that came from it benefited the wrong person. They’ll have to deal with the Karma that comes with that for a life time and me… I’ll have to just live my life and not hate, but appreciate. A lot of my early posts revolved around a book and screenplay I cooked up that I care not to share anymore because it was from a part of me that was soooooooooooo fucking low and you can see it in me emotionally, physically and mentally at the time. Being able to write about it and knowing that the person it was about still reads it only makes me feel vindicated because I got it off my chest while they continue to live a lie.
3) K (The Artist Formally Know As My Muse) – At the top of 2009 as I started to really coast and be content with my new found “vindication” I linked up with this charming, pretty and great person who was so much like me in too many ways it was scary. For real… There were moments where we’d be listening to the same song at the same time or we’d finish each others thought at the most random times and most of all (and what meant the most to me) we both kinda had a weird synced vibe that was sweet when it was good, but terrible when it all ended. Well… The Muse got me thinking and doing better things from the jump and it wasn’t all because of her inspiration, but more or less the fact that for once in my life there was someone who actually understood the way I move and moved with me. Since she’s left the scene I’ve been through a lot of moments of disparity because I never thought I’d lose that part of me ever and I still don’t’ know why… Either way most of my blogs from the Winter to the Summer reflect my ups and downs with my Muse. It’s weird to say I have had a Muse, but I really did and it made sense and kept me motivated and most of all positive as I moved on with my days.
4) Music & Women – Music is my heart and women are my weakness. If I didn’t have all this game and actually cared what these bitches thought of me, I’d have more respect in my writing for them, but I don’t… Shaun made a good point the other day and that is, “women are on a biological clock and we’re not… So we’ll always have the upper hand if there’s no emotion involved.” That’s so true. I’ve disregarded a few hearts and fucked with some minds in the past year, but there’s always the few chicks that captivated me and make me think otherwise too and those in some cases can be worth some of the trouble… I write about all this shit in here too…
So yeah that’s basically it one year in and over with many more years to come of great blogs. Here’s my personal top 10 blogs I’ve written so far. I hope you like them as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them. -H
Aby (Abornita) is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever encountered in my life. I’ve mentioned her in more than one blog and she’s part of the reason I started to take positive strides with my life late last year. She helped me get through a moment of non-clarity when I went up to Philly to get away for a weekend in the Spring time. We sat in a diner for almost 5 hours and got it all out. I left knowing a lot more than I wanted to know about shit I never wanted to understand and she left knowing I’d go back in and make the wrong choice, but still fucks with me even though I don’t always listen. Truly a great friend and an inspiration to me.
I talk to this nigga in Oct. ’08 after he gets back from a leg of the tour with Lil Wayne and this nigga is all hype like he just won the lottery. Says he about to finish up signing a deal over at Interscope with Jimmy Iovine and them. I was like YES! Finally… Little did I know, but it was all a bunch of B to the S… Looks like too many people had their hands in that pot for it to pop off back then. I posted this in haste as his buzz started to grow and more material with Lil Wayne surfaced and the famed mixtape So Far Gone was being concocted. This blog got a crazy response and is still to this day my most popular post. We all know he is signed with his Young Money & his management’s label now, but this was the first big “rumor” I posted on the blog. If you read it you’ll notice I broke down the history that lead to the moment he supposedly was getting signing to Interscope. Looking back it’s kinda overwhelming now that this nigga is the biggest thing in Hip Hop. I always gonna be proud of the kid for doing it like he said he would. Now it’s our time.
I started writing blogs about the baddest women around this year cause it just made sense to appreciate the beauty and brains of some of the great women that surround us daily. This was my first and favorite one because Rachel Roy is just so bad! She loves Hip Hop, she’s a super model, she’s Indian and she is married to my symbolic mentor Dame Dash. Did I mention she does what she wants, while you other bitches do what you can… That’s so sexy and that’s so real. Rachel Roy is the baddest!
What a weekend… This was one of those “I had the time of my life” weekends. Whippin’ around the Lexus truck with a car full of international beauties; that was capped off with me (and all men) being compared to “bloody diarrhea.” 🙂 Oh what a feeling! For real though I love my friends and this weekend was the time I connected with Julia, Niloufar and Slope Head 🙂 . We’re all great friends to this day and I’d do anything for these niggas. Even Slope Head… She gets mad love! Read this one and tell me if it wasn’t a fun time even if you weren’t there! ; -)
I’ve written some crazy shit in my day, but this one kind of takes the cake for creativity alone. I have a notion in my head that life is only worth living if you take it all in stride. Balance the good with the bad, do what you believe in and never let people set you back from your ultimate means of survival. Oh and I was buggin’ out around this time because I had stopped drinking for a while and I needed some shit to write about while I was in my sober mind and body phase. This blog got some thumbs up for the pure logic in it alone. I also got the nod because it stated that I had cut off the negative people in my life as my main reason I’d LIVE FOREVER…
Addiction is a powerful thing… I broke down and admitted I was addicted to a lifestyle I couldn’t control or maintain that was bringing me down physically and emotionally. Shit motivated me to finally get on my shit and do right by my self for once. I sat back and renovated my thinking, my stance on life and met some real inspirational people who slowly became my good friends and fuel for me to do better. Admitting you have a problem is the first step to fixing it they say. It took me years to recognize I even had a problem and less than a year to fix it. I WILL NEVER RELAPSE BACK TO THE THAT LIFE…
It’s hard to find someone as retarded as me to act the fool with whenever and that’s what Teresa (Ace) is. We’re the best of friends and I’m kind of glad I got her around to keep me leveled when I feel shit is not going so good. This blog was one of my first ones and is sort of funny story about a “walk to remember” that involved me, peaches and about 150 blocks of New York City streets… 🙂
One thing I’ll never get used to is shit like this. These websites that are designed to “set people up” with their ideal mate. It’s sad and sick to see this type of shit go on to me. It makes it even worse that it’s a trend that people in our culture seem to have accepted because most of these losers think there’s no time to meet someone special. I’m a big believe in letting things happen naturally or not at all. People get too caught up in the need to settle down nowadays from family, peers and society in general. And how does the powers that be accommodate people? By charging you a rate to find a mate! Nurp! Never me… The best women I’ve ever encountered have come to me naturally. I don’t think a website can ever replace actually getting to know someone personally and not off a data base… Knowing what you want going in takes away from finding out what you might really like from giving real people a chance. There’s a reason these people go to these website and in most cases it’s because they don’t have what it takes to connect with humans. This blog was a big FUCK YOU to these sites with a bit of understanding tied in to not make the people who use them feel so bad.
I ain’t mad at “needy chicks” anymore because the sad truth is most women (if not all of them) are NEEDY… They need attention, companionship, love, money, sex, food etc… It’s sad to say it, but us (MEN) made them this way. The most “independent” woman can put up shields, but be suffering inside because they need something… It’s sort of like that with all of us I guess, but women have it worse. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out what makes women tick. For a good part of 2009 I thought I found a woman who ticked like me, but she sort of turned out to tick like the rest of them… I can’t front though, it doesn’t bother me anymore because there’s nothing that we can do, but accept everyone we care for with flaws and all one day. Maybe then “Needy Chicks” won’t be so prevalent and we can just build off each other and find a common need to work on like making the world a better place… Any hoots… NEEDY BITCHES… Can’t live with em… You can’t live without em…
My first blog… No pictures… No mood music… No inspiration, but what was in my heart. I took a couple of days to put this one together because at the time I was still bitter and sad about shit that was going on in my life and then a sudden change occurred that made things seem brighter heading into the new year. Overall this is the best to me because after not looking at this for months I looked back and said, “this is it… this is what I really love… MUSIC.” Every time something goes right or wrong in my life music has been the constant and that’s really the heart and soul of my writing. As creative and open I am it’s all heartfelt because it comes from a place that my friends and family all seem to come from too. MUSIC… I hope if you made it this far down my list that you’d read this one because it really means the most to me.
The Blogs I Wish Could Have Made The List, But Didn’t…
I have a string of personal blogs and thoughts that only one or a few people recognized or have had access to. I vent a lot in my writing and call out my future endeavors all the time. I’m just gonna list these blogs and you can peep them if you want. A couple are ones I wrote specifically with My Muse in mind and if she knows who our “girls” are (that’s the password) she can recap them if she still follows my blog.
Over all these are just ones I felt were posts where I was being too philosophical or just spilling my inner most thoughts way too much. I’m at the point where maybe Alex is right and I should chill and just not be so open because it may fuck with other interests and business. Well… Openness makes for great cinema and I think I’ll consider his advise, but we’ll see… 😉
SO there it is one year of blogging! I’m out!
And now back to my regularly scheduled programing
D/L: ===> Tony! Toni! Tone! – Anniversary