Wrote this way back in December 2011 and made some small revisions. I think my head’s back into writing again. I’ve found my Muse again! 🙂
Off another long hiatus from writing, but with good reason. I’ve been on a spiritual journey/test for the past 6 months that’s been tying me down emotionally (yeah…) , mentally (too much time to thinking) & physically (no sleep). Last time we spoke I had conflicting views on my Faith and where I fit into the “Kingdom of God.” I have no doubt in my mind now that I’ve chosen the right path in that today, but the second part I also have no doubt about either and that’s where this latest entry comes from… A place called the “Psyche” where our inherit (true) feeling & traits are harvested.
The Pleasure Principle
Let’s start with a few definition so the more novice readers can follow along.
Id, ego and super-ego – are the three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche; they are the three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction mental life is described.
The id – is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends.
The ego – is the organized, realistic part
The super-ego – plays the critical and moralizing role
The things that we want…. The simple yet increasing difficult to attain things like Comfort, Sex, Shelter, Food… We always want them and we want them all the time. Which brings me to the Id…
The Id doesn’t learn…. It doesn’t grow up. It has the “ego” telling it what it can’t have and it has the “super-ego” telling it what it shouldn’t want, but the Id works solely out of the “Pleasure Principle.” It WANTS. Whatever social skills we’ve learned… However much we’ve evolved; the Pleasure Principle is at work in all of us.
So… How does this conflict wit the “ego” manifesting itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can’t have what we want?
I really don’t know. Faith has taught me to pray for things I want to work out for ME. While life has taught me that I only want things I can’t necessarily have. My ego has kept me in a constant struggle between what faith has to offer and reality. While the super-ego has sort of made the lines blurred even more…
If you think about the super-ego’s moralizing role in our lives and it’s battle with the Id, you’d understand where Faith seems to be the perfect solution to that mess. The Id only wants. The faith I’ve chosen only teaches us to want and repent when that want is immoral or unjust, but if you truly believe in the Faith it constantly forgives… Blurring the lines even more. Showing me that hope and prayer will give me what I want, when in reality I’m just demoralizing any rational thinking I once had while basing crucial life decisions on no more than a hope and dream.
So, yes in essence the Id can be more than just primal/instinctive needs. It can be the need to be a better person or to believe in something that’s larger than life that provides everything. Remember it’s the inherent instincts with in us that make up the Id. What those instincts are is based on the individual. Some of us don’t need sex or shelter or money… Some of us just need love or understanding or the feeling to be needed.. And that’s what Faith provides.
The Pleasure Principle takes everything the Id represents and makes it into what we yearn for.
Let’s take a Segway ride into EMOTION for a bit…
Sometimes I feel like I’m driven by my emotions. I put so much behind my emotions that it drives me to a point where I rationalize everything I do with them. Sometimes I’ll break into a cold sweat or tear up during normal conversation because something has struck me emotionally. My nature is to try and hold back the emotion, but my body language is screaming out-loud to have a heartfelt word in edgewise.
So where does this emotion I have drive me?
If I can’t be fulfilled emotionally I’m driven to a side of myself that encompasses everything the Pleasure Principle represents. It’s sort of how a vampire craves blood and violence. I basically do everything demoralizing and wrong to:
1. Prove the point that, “I could do it.”
2. To fulfill every urge I set aside for my emotions.
3. To somehow/someway show the world that I truly have never really given a fuck about anyone or anything in life.
Which in hindsight isn’t true, but what’s ill though is that I’ve learned over the past few months (through Faith) that there’s more to it then that bit of evil thrill. Even though Faith is sort of rooted in this “Pleasure Principle” discussion, it definitely has its strong points. For me, Faith has given me a little patients. If I can sit through a boring church service, read the Bible and seek meaning in prayer, then there’s more to it for me than justifying the Id through sin and repenting.
But, too much Faith can have the same adverse affect as steps 1,2 & 3 in the Pleasure Principle too. Where we think that what we want is the answer when it’s working for us at the moment. But that’s not reality… People’s interpretation of such things as “Faith” is driven by the teachers and the herd of people (sheep) they lead. The individual’s right to Knowledge Of Self is stripped away in this case and that individual is now subject to different ideologies that may or may not be right just because of their leaders and then they turn to the herd for justification. That’s definitely not what God intended… That’s definitely no life I want to lead… But personally I listen to learn and hope to eventually lead people in the right direction myself some day and let them make their own decisions in matters of Faith. But for now, I’m caught between two worlds of different understanding.
One side pulls me towards what I know… The “Fast Life.” The up all night, live the life that’s a party and pretty much not give a fuck about feelings & people, but only the moment. It’s one hell of a life if you can handle it… And I do it so well and honestly even with this new understanding, I can cope with and rationalize these actions because that’s what I know, even though it’s not inherently who I am.
The other side of me pulls me towards what I’m afraid of… The “Unknown.” The origins of life, love and my Faith… I question it as I embrace it. I doubt it, even though it leads me… I love it, even though it’s almost 180 degrees different than who I know myself to be… It confuses me, it drives me and it makes me coo coo bananas… But something or rather someone that came out of it has driven my Id into a certain direction… Yeah, yeah it’s very sheepish of me to be like this. It makes me think that maybe there’s more to it than the “Unknown” and that’s what keeps me level and willing to move ahead into the “Unknown.” I personally think it’s a love that is slowly growing into what seems to be an “Understanding” of sorts, but that’s whole other conversation… A whole other thing to write about.
This though is about the Pleasure Principle…. The WANTING… I’ve made a life based on WANTING… And frankly I think we all have in one way or another. We’ve got to just take a step back and stop thinking about what we want or what’s wrong with us and just deal for a change and move along the path God has set for us.
The reality of the situation is that when you have doubts… When you can’t see clearly… When you know something isn’t meant to be… Just think about the Pleasure Principle and how it relates. Once that’s done, you’ll never have a doubt in your mind about what WANT is.