Archive for the ‘My Words’ Category

We all miss the bigger picture when it comes to what we truly do and don’t know about the universe around us. Even though I believe in God have faith in my religious views, there’s always going to be a lingering question of why and how God did it. I say this just because there’s no point to what we’re doing in our lifetimes, if it’s not all towards the same end goal for EVERYONE. And if that end goal doesn’t exist, are we all living in vein because of our nature as humans?

We (including me) just want the Universe (and on a more level term the World) to be for the purpose of our own needs and/or desires.

If you care to watch the video I posted below, you can see that my buddy Neil deGrasse Tyson makes a good point in saying, “To assert that the universe has a purpose, implies a desired outcome. But who would do the desiring? And what would that desired outcome be?

If you see things as they are and not for what you wish them to be, maybe the Universe… Maybe the World would be a better place to live just because we’ll all sort of be on the same page. (God willing)

To clarify ===> We all have a purpose in the here and now, but realistically we create our own purpose in our minds for when we expire (Heaven, Hell, Boats, Hoes, etc…) But truth be told, only God can really make the real end call for anyone of us. So no matter what we do, we’re pretty much here for whatever God already has planned for us. So do what you do, but do it with the understanding that, no matter what it is you do, there’s only ONE that can judge you.

I’m just sayin’…


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I come up with titles for blogs before I actually come up with the subject matter for what I’m writing about most of the time. This time around the title came more so from the subject matter and not the need for an eye catching title… I must admit that Because I Fucking Lied To A Priest is pretty trill though. 🙂 And the reality is I’m just speaking from my heart and of course my mind. So take from it what you want. This one is about how I became who I am and how I’m becoming what God has planned for me.

Let’s start from the beginning…

I trace my roots in ideology back to my first Confession when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. I was a pretty straight up character back then. Had a nice head of hair, got my cheeks pinched a lot by the adults, Catholic School uniform always fresh, but I was pretty naive about the world and people in general at that age. It was not till my first Confession where I realized that I had some real insight to what made people function.

First, the act of “Confessing” is a rite of passage for Catholics in general. You basically air your dirty laundry out to a priest and the priest instructs you to do a series of prayers to absolve you of your sins. What most of us don’t realize is, at a really young age these certain rites of passage become sort of a crutch for us. They make us feel less guilty about things we do and more confident that we’ll be forgiven for really bad things we’ve done. For me, at that age, it was more or less something I had no clue about, but had to do because that’s what we did. I was in Catholic school (Duh). When I was “forced” to confess my “sins” that first time I had no clue what I was committing myself to. I totally fell into a state of real question asking and answer seeking later on in life because of the serious mark my first confession left on me emotionally & mentally.

Basically, I went into my first Confession not truly understanding what “sin” was. I learned from school it was this one thing – Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t blah, blah, blah… So yeah of course I didn’t do that shit… But I went into this confession for an awkward two to three minutes and end up lying to the priest just to appease his need for me to confess something to God…. I had no clue what sin I had actually committed before all this, so I made up something and said I lied to my mum once, which in turn made my first Confession my first real sin in hindsight. How ironic…. Long story short he got what he wanted and blessed me and moved on to the next kid.


That experience got me thinking and kind of made me look back on certain things… Things like innocents, love, understanding, etc. Things I totally had become oblivious of because I started to believe people’s lies and my own lies later on in life… I slowly developed into this person that could give you what you wanted to hear, not what you needed to hear. Unfortunately God makes this “talent” of administering these “Beautiful Lies” only redeemable in certain lights. I can’t seem to lighten up my words or lie to people I actually care about. I try to, but I can’t… It’s funny though… The harsher, the more condescending, sarcastic and patronizing I am to those I love, it seems to make them kind of gravitate towards me even more because I’m not scared to tell them the Truth. Some appreciate it… Others feel like I’m “evil…” Some just choose to not acknowledge that maybe I’m right because I’m saying what the fuck everyone else is thinking.


Maybe it’s because I fucking lied to a priest and realized down the line that telling people what they want to hear isn’t always going make you the bigger or better person in the all seeing eyes of God… Not saying anything at all (especially to those you love) doesn’t make you the bigger or better person either. Watching the world from the sidelines and not doing shit to change that doesn’t make you a better person either.  Being true to yourself and doing whatever you feel is right for you does make you the bigger and better person though. I can’t say what’s wrong or right for anyone except me, but I do have a talent for seeing the Truth past all the lies we want to believe. The sad truth is that like that priest, we all love to be lied to.

ME though… I see myself finally accepting the fact that I’m not as perfect as the movie I make my life out to be sometimes. I got handed the best and did the worst with it, so now my only desire is to start over… Go back to where I came from to make things right with God and myself. I’ve never been scared to move on or up… I just was always content because the blessings seemed to be never ending, but it didn’t cause any type of real fulfillment in my life till I discovered what God really has planned for me. What’s crazy is that even with that knowledge, it really hasn’t changed me much…

My friends and family tell me, “I have a good heart and soul and should focus my energy towards different “people” and I’ll be happier.”

Whatever that shit means… I don’t’ know, but maybe they’re right. Or maybe I really haven’t done a daaam thing that proves I even have a heart or soul so I try to please everyone. Or the reason I lied to that priest is because I couldn’t admit that maybe, just maybe I’ve been flawed since birth like they say in the Bible (Forgive me I was line 6 years old dogg). Or maybe, I’m just lying to myself right now and justifying everything I think is wrong about me with some bullshit about me lying to a priest and this is all some creative writing mind fuck. 🙂

See… Don’t ever think I don’t give you (the reader) the option to form your own conclusion because we all do it with our own lives anyway; with self righteousness notions about how we “want” to live, a false sense of understanding and a lack respect and love for the 6 billion other people we share this planet with. It’s sad, but true God may have messed up by giving us too many options for away out of trouble.

The question is, is there only one way out?

The answer is YES and NO. It depends on what school of thought you’re drawing from and if we learn to accept 6 billion plus people’s opinions, cultures mindsets and hearts, maybe there would be more love and less lies in this world.

So yeah, the fact I’m still here is living proof that there’s more to it than what we see and hear. I’ll get more into that when I write my next blog… Money, Models & Molly. This one is going to be change a lot of the way you look at those 3 words.

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Head shot, didn’t die. God got a plan for you.” ~French Montana “Sanctuary”

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Wrote this way back in December 2011 and made some small revisions. I think my head’s back into writing again. I’ve found my Muse again! 🙂


Off another long hiatus from writing, but with good reason. I’ve been on a spiritual journey/test for the past 6 months that’s been tying me down emotionally (yeah…) , mentally (too much time to thinking) & physically (no sleep). Last time we spoke I had conflicting views on my Faith and where I fit into the “Kingdom of God.” I have no doubt in my mind now that I’ve chosen the right path in that today, but the second part I also have no doubt about either and that’s where this latest entry comes from… A place called the “Psyche” where our inherit (true) feeling & traits are harvested.


The Pleasure Principle

Let’s start with a few definition so the more novice readers can follow along.

Id, ego and super-ego – are the three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche; they are the three theoretical constructs in terms of whose activity and interaction mental life is described.

The id – is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends.

The ego – is the organized, realistic part

The super-ego – plays the critical and moralizing role

The things that we want…. The simple yet increasing difficult to attain things like Comfort, Sex, Shelter, Food… We always want them and we want them all the time. Which brings me to the Id…

The Id doesn’t learn…. It doesn’t grow up. It has the “ego” telling it what it can’t have and it has the “super-ego” telling it what it shouldn’t want, but the Id works solely out of the “Pleasure Principle.” It WANTS. Whatever social skills we’ve learned… However much we’ve evolved; the Pleasure Principle is at work in all of us.

So… How does this conflict wit the “ego” manifesting itself in the psyche? What do we do when we can’t have what we want?

I really don’t know. Faith has taught me to pray for things I want to work out for ME. While life has taught me that I only want things I can’t necessarily have. My ego has kept me in a constant struggle between what faith has to offer and reality. While the super-ego has sort of made the lines blurred even more…

If you think about the super-ego’s moralizing role in our lives and it’s battle with the Id, you’d understand where Faith seems to be the perfect solution to that mess. The Id only wants. The faith I’ve chosen only teaches us to want and repent when that want is immoral or unjust, but if you truly believe in the Faith it constantly forgives… Blurring the lines even more. Showing me that hope and prayer will give me what I want, when in reality I’m just demoralizing any rational thinking I once had while basing crucial life decisions on no more than a hope and dream.

So, yes in essence the Id can be more than just primal/instinctive needs. It can be the need to be a better person or to believe in something that’s larger than life that provides everything. Remember it’s the inherent instincts with in us that make up the Id. What those instincts are is based on the individual. Some of us don’t need sex or shelter or money… Some of us just need love or understanding or the feeling to be needed.. And that’s what Faith provides.

The Pleasure Principle takes everything the Id represents and makes it into what we yearn for.

Let’s take a Segway ride into EMOTION for a bit…

Sometimes I feel like I’m driven by my emotions. I put so much behind my emotions that it drives me to a point where I rationalize everything I do with them. Sometimes I’ll break into a cold sweat or tear up during normal conversation because something has struck me emotionally. My nature is to try and hold back the emotion, but my body language is screaming out-loud to have a heartfelt word in edgewise.

So where does this emotion I have drive me?

If I can’t be fulfilled emotionally I’m driven to a side of myself that encompasses everything the Pleasure Principle represents. It’s sort of how a vampire craves blood and violence. I basically do everything demoralizing and wrong to:

1. Prove the point that, “I could do it.”

2. To fulfill every urge I set aside for my emotions.

3. To somehow/someway show the world that I truly have never really given a fuck about anyone or anything in life.

Which in hindsight isn’t true, but what’s ill though is that I’ve learned over the past few months (through Faith) that there’s more to it then that bit of evil thrill. Even though Faith is sort of rooted in this “Pleasure Principle” discussion, it definitely has its strong points. For me, Faith has given me a little patients. If I can sit through a boring church service, read the Bible and seek meaning in prayer, then there’s more to it for me than justifying the Id through sin and repenting.

But, too much Faith can have the same adverse affect as steps 1,2 & 3 in the Pleasure Principle too. Where we think that what we want is the answer when it’s working for us at the moment. But that’s not reality… People’s interpretation of such things as “Faith” is driven by the teachers and the herd of people (sheep) they lead. The individual’s right to Knowledge Of Self is stripped away in this case and that individual is now subject to different ideologies that may or may not be right just because of their leaders and then they turn to the herd for justification. That’s definitely not what God intended… That’s definitely no life I want to lead… But personally I listen to learn and hope to eventually lead people in the right direction myself some day and let them make their own decisions in matters of Faith. But for now, I’m caught between two worlds of different understanding.

One side pulls me towards what I know… The “Fast Life.” The up all night, live the life that’s a party and pretty much not give a fuck about feelings & people, but only the moment. It’s one hell of a life if you can handle it… And I do it so well and honestly even with this new understanding, I can cope with and rationalize these actions because that’s what I know, even though it’s not inherently who I am.

The other side of me pulls me towards what I’m afraid of… The “Unknown.” The origins of life, love and my Faith… I question it as I embrace it. I doubt it, even though it leads me… I love it, even though it’s almost 180 degrees different than who I know myself to be… It confuses me, it drives me and it makes me coo coo bananas… But something or rather someone that came out of it has driven my Id into a certain direction… Yeah, yeah it’s very sheepish of me to be like this. It makes me think that maybe there’s more to it than the “Unknown” and that’s what keeps me level and willing to move ahead into the “Unknown.” I personally think it’s a love that is slowly growing into what seems to be an “Understanding” of sorts, but that’s whole other conversation… A whole other thing to write about.

This though is about the Pleasure Principle…. The WANTING… I’ve made a life based on WANTING… And frankly I think we all have in one way or another. We’ve got to just take a step back and stop thinking about what we want or what’s wrong with us and just deal for a change and move along the path God has set for us.

The reality of the situation is that when you have doubts… When you can’t see clearly… When you know something isn’t meant to be… Just think about the Pleasure Principle and how it relates. Once that’s done, you’ll never have a doubt in your mind about what WANT is.

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…


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DISCLAIMER: I always write a disclaimer to discourage criticism of my opinion and more so to hide behind the veil of “this blog is to entertain more so than it is to teach” when I write something like this. This time around I don’t want to throw that shield up. I want to just be 100 and honestly say this is how I feel right now. My opinion can change as I learn more from both sides, but I just want to get how I’m feeling now off my chest before I truly move towards one way of thinking or another because the things I say and do, may not come quite through…My words may not convey just what I’m feeling (NOW)…



I usually don’t write from perspective of things I can’t fully understand. I think like someone who’s not exactly in the right “state” of mind, but always in the right “frame” of mind to comprehend things like philosophy or progressive thinking, but never have I understood theological thinking or why people are so deeply into it till now….


I failed my Religion 101 class at Penn State, offended an instructor at a Christianity 101 course I took this Spring and after a stint in Catholic school as a youth I left thinking my school and religion were one in the same (Catholic). And when I transplanted myself into a “Public” school I started attending after my family relocated from Queens to Long Island, I literally thought my new ideology was “Public.” It was a very traumatic experience for me… Forreealzzz… I was confused o__O . Everything I knew at about 8-9 years of ago was centered around the Catholic Church and when I left it, I didn’t know if I still had to “follow” anymore… And not to mention the culture shock from going to a very diverse and mixed school to a majority white school…. Geez… I didn’t know what my race was till some white kid told me, but that’s a totally other subject I won’t even dwell on in this blog…

What I want to talk about now is this verse:

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11(1))

But before I even delve into that verse I want to give some background to why I’m even at the point where I’m quoting Bible verses in my blog…

The Bible…

Do I believe in it?

That would be a resounding yes with a big BUT. The but is that I’m skeptical of some of the ways man has manipulated the “WORD OF GOD” to make us follow such things as “religion,” when in reality all we really need is “FAITH” in God.

When I say “FAITH” I mean a faith that there is a God…. (To me) That there is a son of God named Jesus that died for our sins. It may sound far fetched, but if you believe it and see it for yourself it is the truth. The absolute truth?

To me in my current state of mind… I wouldn’t believe anything else. To you… Well, it’s about the individual and the way he/she wants to carry it. I recently had a debate about this that kind of confused me. The argument was if this is the “ABSOLUTE TRUTH” to us, what about everyone else?

The answer given to me was, “This is the only TRUTH and none other!”

I said (again), “But what about all of those people that feel differently? Isn’t the “truth” something we come to a conclusion to on our own? Isn’t it only something that we see in relation to our environment, our upbringing and events that made us come to this ‘Truth?'”

See… I got confused and had even more questions because I’m more concerned about my fellow man than myself in this matter. I want to know how others can be more enlightened and share in my joy that I’ve found in God too while not believing the same things I believe to be true. How can it be done???? o__O

The answer is… It can (if you want it), but it can’t because it’s not for everyone… When you’re blessed, whether you believe or not (in God)… It doesn’t matter. You are set in route towards God’s Kingdom with his guidance and his word alone. I dabbled in many different ways of thinking about Faith over the years and it got to the point where nothing worked out at all, so I decided to just “believe in God” and let life play out its course.

Was it working for me?

A little bit, but not to the extent that I felt fulfilled… I found myself living reckless, not caring about family/friends and what mattered most… LIFE. I just found myself becoming more and more self absorbed and believed God was just there for me and I felt untouchable…

It all came crashing down when I failed myself as a human in a “RELATIONSHIP.” It wasn’t so much the other person that effected me… It was me that let myself down… Relationships are funny in that way… When we’re at a weak point in our lives they’re our saving grace. Especially when there’s no other options to be seen or expectations to be met. Just living in that moment can change you for the better or for worse.

I took to the latter part of that (the worst), but came out of it free and empowered myself to do something more than just live recklessly, but developing structure in my life and reckless living all kind of defined me at that point. I didn’t realize till recently that the plan for me was not to test the limits of my existence, but to live towards a limitless existence.

And I don’t mean after I die. Fuck that…. I have no clue what to expect when I die. Nor am I preparing for that demise. I’m not part of some death cult… Nah… But what I’m talking about is my LEGACY… What impression I leave on people now and forever…

Which bring me to the main topic of this blog ===> The #WORDS…

“I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

This statement is so real to me… Always knowing God has a plan for us is the first step to enlightenment. The second step is to follow that path. I’ve sincerely been lost for so long and I’ve prospered in being lost… Meaning everything seems to even out no matter how bad things were or have been in the past for me, but now I have more clarity in thinking and I’m no longer in the pursuit of happiness… I’ve found it in just following God’s plan for me.

I kind of just let God sort it out while I still discover…

Do I have hope in the future?

Yes and No because the most important time in history is now… The Present… And what we do now makes the best possible future come out as a result of it all. I’m not preparing for death… I REFUSE TO. I was given this life to live NOW and I’m going to do it by just being the best I can be to my God and my people. Those are the only 2 things I’m sure of in this universe to be TRUE (to me) and that’s what I live for and will die for.

What’s next?

Try to enlighten others to just believe in something… Believing in something is the first step towards God. If you don’t believe in God (a creator) what’s the point of your existence?

It’s a debate that stems from people’s overall loss in faith when it comes to religion. There’s a BBC series called the “Atheism Tapes” on NetFlix that I watched and it’s gotten me so open on what the other side thinks of what’s real and what’s not. The people that they spoke to give the most validating argument to what is wrong with faith and religion and they all share a core disbelief in God because of the image of God that man has made up through theology. From a logical perspective why should we believe in a vengeful God that says, “worship me in one of my many forms or DIE in HELL!” It’s kind of a hard way to take in something that’s suppose to be “good” and the thinking man knows this isn’t the right way because evidence in nature, validated through science proves otherwise.

Jonathan Miller The Atheism Tapes Narrator

What strikes me about these people… These Atheists, is that they’re numb to the concept of “Spirituality” and how it kind of makes sense in this crazy world. If you aren’t in touch with that side of things, you’re really not a person who believes in anything (Believer in God or not). We don’t know exactly what our “soul” consists of, but we kind of know that the concept is that after we die we reach another level of consciousnesses that is above and beyond what we see on earth. Some strive for it… Others (like myself) are aware of it and see living in the NOW as what is going to be definitive in what we do after the NOW is over. Like I said earlier my legacy is what will define me when I’m dead and gone. What I write, what people I’ve touch, what people I’ve loved, what people I’ve IMPACTED will give me solid place in the “Afterlife.”

To live a life that doesn’t impact lives or make a difference, to me, seems UNFULFILLED… 😦

And the best way for myself and many others to reach FULFILLMENT is through WORDS. Words are the most powerful tool we have to come across to people and can possibly change some minds (for the better)… WORDS tantalize the mind and when they’re fully understood they can impact the soul… Whether you’re a missionary trying to spread the word of God to people who don’t know it or a guy who writes what he feels in a blog, it all leaves behind a legacy on earth and whatever comes after earth is just icing on the cake of LIFE for us.

I can admit it openly that I don’t want to be forgotten… My refusal to be “average” and not be forgotten keeps be motivated towards goals in life that some people can’t even imagine or seems lofty, but I’m always on the path to attain it because that’s what God put me here for. That’s my PATH… 29:11(1)

– H


Here’s something to #Ponder…

This is my first use of the Bible in my writing and my head didn’t explode. GO ME!!! 🙂 Now I’m excited to learn more and relate it to my world… I let the words kind of flow out of me in this one and I was a little scared because when that happens I usually say more than the average reader can comprehend. I feel like this time around there’s no argument that can counteract my notion that we all have a path to the Kingdom Of God. The tough part is believing…. As a society we’ve lost that common belief in “something” that we don’t understand and when it comes up in conversation most of us are scared to talk about it. WHY?

Because some if us have the heart and knowledge to debate, argue, stand up for and fight for something we truly believe in, but not all of us have the heart to try to understand why it’s good to believe something else because we all think our ideology is right. And when you put everything you have on that ideology even in failing it’s hard to give up because you feel like it’s going to pull through for you one day… Like a bad relationship… You hope it will work for you one day… And then we wonder why so many people have turned into non-believers in recent times… Then we just shut up and give up the fight…

But there is a saving grace and that is we all fail to realize is that God is a constant and our perception of him is in direct correlation to how we think. If you can give yourself to God then there’s no limits to the amount of adversity you can withstand because God will see you though it all and you’ll eventually win (in your own mind). It’s simple “Mind Over Matter” from the Atheists’ perspective…. And what’s really wrong with that?

Absolutely nothing. So why can’t we all just accept each other and what works for us as individuals?

Think about that because my next blog is going to be about #LOVE… ❤

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

Download: ===> Black Star (Talib Kweli) – K.O.S. (Determination)

“At exactly which point do you start to realize that life without knowledge is, death in disguise? That’s why, Knowledge Of Self is like life after death. Apply it, to your life, let destiny manifest…” -Talib Kweli

“Stand in ovation, cause you put the HUGH in Human/ Cause and effect, effect everything you do and that’s why I got love in the face of hate…” -Talib Kweli

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Damaged People…

I would like to say I was “challenged” to write a blog on this topic and yes I’m always up for a challenge. Even though my thoughts on this topic my conflict with popular knowledge or what your local therapist may think… I still feel I’m suited to give insight to “damaged people” because I think I’ve damaged a few people and I’m not scared to admit I’m damaged goods myself, but who isn’t “damaged,” honestly?

Any type of emotional pain can scare the psyche and really do harm to the “id,” the “ego” or the “super-ego.” Anyway you look at it; anything that takes us down a notch can have a damaging effect on us mentally. How we carry that affliction is what separates us for in the long run.

To me “damaged people” come in three separate groups:

1. Those who can accept (not except) that they’ve been “hurt” or “damaged” emotionally.

I’d throw myself in this category because I’m pretty open. Once I’ve accepted something I try to learn from it and grow from it. I’ve had my heart broke, my feelings hurt, my life almost taken from me, but I still stand tall and face adversity like it’s nothing. Why?

Because life isn’t suppose to be a challenge, it’s a gift. No matter what happens to me or what type of damage is inflicted, I can’t let it effect me. I have a purpose in life and I was blessed with more than one chance to prove myself. Now no matter what “they” say, I’ll always be better than what they “say.” I can embrace the hate or the love and make it into fuel that keeps me driven towards my goals. I only fear indifference and that to me is the most damaging thing… And some people know that, but again… I try not to let it “damage” me.

2. Those who hold-on to their pain and never let it go no matter what.

You ever see someone who has a goiter?

It’s a pretty nasty sight to see and it reminds me of these people. The people that hold on to the past and can’t move on or see what gifts the present has for them. They let this pain… This damage inflicted on them run their lives. They become spiteful, say hurtful things and carry on as if the world is their trash bin because someone messed them up. I know this type very well and frankly I feel bad for them because like that goiter that’s growing from that woman’s neck; they can’t help, but carry their pain with them forever…

The world is full of these types. The Hitlers of the world… The nerd who becomes a CEO and picks on his/her employees who remind them of that person who picked on them in middle school… The police officer who didn’t have the balls to do something as a member of regular society so their gun and badge is where they hide their pain and where they inflict it as well…

These are the most dangerous damaged people to me… They embody negative energy and most of the time channel it to others through manipulation/games. They strive for control in relationships just so they can inflict more damage, but they have one ultimate failing that is usually they’re downfall. ===> They’re always are going to be unhappy because they can’t ever let go of the pain that makes them act the way they do. I feel sorry for these types because living out of spite doesn’t get you too far.

3. Those who use their pain as a crutch.

I know people like this too. They whine about a breakup or a lose till everyone is sick of them. I can relate too it as well and looking back, I’ll admit I was a mess because not only did I let it affect me. I let it linger into my social circle and mess things up to the point where I took the piss (as the British would say) literally… (see Dented Beamers & I Saw The Bitch Who Peed In My Car). People can go on and on with their pain and suffering, but won’t let go till something drastic happens. I can’t justify anything I did when my damaged ass used my emotions as a crutch. I was off in my own world. I began to write this blog back then and I started to renovate myself out of clear spite and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.

To this day I kind of feel like that chapter in my life was the biggest waste of time ever, but I take from it not the damage, but the thought that I can do better. Which I clearly have, which kind of erases the damage in my eyes. 🙂

If you want to move up… Sometimes you need to move on

I came up with that quote sometime last year and I took it upon myself to live up to it because I refuse to be another sad and damaged person. As humans we’re breed to hate one another. Breed to point a finger at someone who is giving us a problem. We’re breed to inflict damage on each other…

Myself… I just take it all in and do me. I’m someone who’s breed on knowledge of self and determination. 😉 I spread love… Anything less would be uncivilized. 🙂

And even though I’m “damaged” in someway, I don’t let that shit phase me, run me or destroy me. I let it go…


…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

Eminem – Brain Damage

“Brain damage, ever since the day I was born/ Drugs is what they used to say I was on/ They say I never knew which way I was goin/ But everywhere I go they keep playin my song” – Eminem

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Hi, my name is Hugh and I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been helping put out classic/timeless music with Nickelus F (Season Premiere), I’ve been busy with my family and its new addition Baby Taylor AKA Super Baby Niece 🙂 & of course staring at this picture of Scarlett Johannson kissing Sandra Bullock all day ==> (click here)… So yeah basically my time has been spent doing a lot of things outside the realm of “writing.”

I’d like to make this my formal introduction back into the writing world because I miss it!

I’m going to start off light and talk about music in this one to ease the transition over into hardcore writer(ing) about “Damaged People” (via Bhumi) or “Hugh V. H Diddy Dollar” (via Alex). Yep! I’m back!


Summer Jams…

I’ve got to throw in my two cents about some summer music classics for y’all. It’s no surprise I hoard music like Rick Ross hoards Maybachs, but I actually listen to a lot of stuff and every summer has songs that I throw in rotation that just bring me to another place… You know those records that remind you of your childhood or bring you back to a moment in your life where things were just SWEET! As you my well know, everyday for me is candy coated, but there were standout moments that certain music made better and always take me away to a time when life was LIFE!  I’m taking this opportunity to share some of those moments now. 🙂


Beyonce ft. Ghostface Killah – Summertime (Remix)

This song just makes me smile. It was summer 2003 and it was my first summer where I was officially on my own. Life was good. Kenny & I had the bachelor pad on the island (Long Island) where the AC unit was busted till August… 😦 Money was straight and I was getting my feet wet in the music industry. I used to rock with this song on those long train rides into the city to check out Nu at the Universal building and just build. This song is just representative of what being at ease with life was like and doesn’t really take me to any one place in particular except “at ease” #CLASSIC!

“It was the summertime (when we fell in love)/ It was the summertime (when heaven shined on us)/ It was the summertime (baby there is nothing like the)/ Summertime, summertime…”

Nina Sky – Beautiful People

This song doesn’t mean as much to me as the person who sent it to me. It’s no secret I’m probably the only straight dude in the universe that likes Nina Sky’s whole catalog of music. I just think they’re voices are sooooo sweet, but yeah… July 2009 I got caught off guard and missed this one while I was juggling my 9to5, the blogs & Nick’s career. And my Muse sent it to me (she share’s a similar love for the Ninas that I do). I didn’t really peep the record till that weekend when the girls from Philly were down in DC for the 4th. Whooo-Lee Hoop & Niloo fell head over heals for the record and I was like, “wow my friends are actually fucking with a Nina Sky song?!?!” Whatever the case a few days later I hit up the Muse on some friendly shit and apparently I’d been cut off. I guess her life got to real and my feels too deep, but this song always brings me back to a place that was sort of a dream for me. To actually have someone who’s so much like me, but not like me at all in my life was refreshing. I can only think of the good when it comes to the Muse (even though we used to conflict a lot). I refuse to go backwards though. Life’s way too sweet to think about the negative shit and attitudes. I’m surrounded by too many ‘beautiful people’ to be worried about one and maybe not having that type of bond with someone now is a blessing because life took a drastic change after the Muse bounce. It’s all part of the cycle I guess.

“I’ma make it known the second I arrive/ For your sake, you better hope nobody catch my eye/ Cause since your living like you’re single/ I’ma do the same, I’ma do my thing, yeah…”

Swizz Beatz – That Oprah

Prosperity and cars are 2 of my favorite things in life. Superficial right? Not really… Because all that shit is jsut a bunch of  “things.” We should all want nice things in our lives. It only makes sense because if modest living is what we’d strive for this wouldn’t be America; it would be like North Korea or something… Any hoots, this song is synonymous with our summer of 2008. We were all doing well. Everyone’s stocks were up and banks accounts were looking pretty healthy. The recession was lingering, but we weren’t affected and the sun was out more than not that summer. It was a great time! BMW and Lexus, BBQ’s every other weekend (week days sometimes too) and a lust for life that was unmeasurable by the standards of  our peers. This song was the soundtrack to some wild night and is a shining example of how the word “flamboyant” should be used. No doubt about it, it’s a summertime classic!

“Red Enzo… A MILLION BUCK$!”

Nickelus F – Great Set Of Teeth (Monumentous)

What’s ill about working with Nick is to be able to bear witness to his greatness. To me he makes the art of Hip Hop music special and as a person who I’ve gotten to bond with, I feel like we’re family more than friends. This song impacted my life in Spring 2009, but hit the world Summer 2009 and it’s one of those songs that just keeps me in tune with the bigger picture. He talks about how he’s grown because of the new lives he now has to LIVE for. The lyrics just take me to a place that makes me feel like there’s more to life than what’s immediately in front of us… That if you set your mind on achieving a goal, don’t give up on it, no matter how long it takes you to get there. We’ve all been through a lot of ups and downs along this road to the top. We’ve seen friends pass us by and lesser talent succeed, but at the end of the day there’s something that we know will never die and that’s the art we’ve created. Whether it’s this song or something I write in my blog. The words we put down for all of you will live on as long as we keep pushing for them to… Get familiar with this and tell me what you can take from it because it made me really appreciate what life was about back then.

“I am proud to be the man that I am/No, I ain’t perfect, but I got a good heart and I recognize my purpose/ I deserve this/ The WordSmith from right up out the churches/ Let the world judge me and write about the verdict… You need that heartfelt/ I’ll come to your service/ So much more to me than what you see up on the surface/ A HEATHEN because I’m weak, but I desire to be more earnest…”

Ill Al Skratch – Summertime (It’s All Good)

1994… Yeah I’m type old with it, but this joint was hittin’! All I can say is from August to September that summer this was may jawn. Ill Al Skratch are still around somewhere and I hope they see this because this song made my summer, my life, my world a lot sweeter that year and I just recently discovered it again because it has long since been forgotten like the tape that it was on. Thank you to who ever pulled this one off the CD and put it on the internets for me to snatch up! Oh yeah and it’s properly titled to fit the mood 😉

“Madballs, 156 corner crew/ Where everyday life is shoot dice, drink brew/ When the sun shine it’s fine Uptown/ It only get better as the sun goes down/ I’m Al Skratch and I’m back with another rhyme/ In my hood it’s all good when it’s summertime…”

Mobb Deep ft. 50 Cent – If You Want It (Unreleased)

Before I had my iPhone I used to burn mad CDs of new music and rock with them in the V back in 2006. The 8-CD changer in the Audi was always full of new music for me to ride to on my many road trips from Merry-land to Pennsylvania. There was one CD that I particularly enjoyed that included this song and a few other songs from my Summer Jams collection. This one only stands out to me because (like beyonce) it just makes me happy whenever I hear it. It’s misogynistic (Like how I like all my music), but with a lightheartedness that kind of makes you forgive them for the content. My significant other at the time didn’t mind it so much either, which was cool too. Summer 2006 was full of good times, but sadly enough is a chapter in my life that only lives on through the music I enjoyed from the time. Other than that, it’s 2010 and I’m on!

“(If you want) You can kiss it girl. I won’t tell…”

So…  These songs were just the few that kind of stood out to me as I was coming up with shit to write. I really wasn’t planning on write more shit you probably wouldn’t care to read about this topic. But I will leave you with some words of wisdom my Muse told me about music that brings you to a place in time like these songs… “If you enjoy the music, but that time, that place or that person is gone. Just create a new experience and let those songs you love be the soundtrack to it.” She was a smart motherfucker for a crazy bitch, but I’m just as crazy too and I know what she means now because these songs mean so much more to me now than they did when I lived them…

Enjoy music people.


My Summer Jams:

Angie Martinez ft. Lil’ Mo & Sacario – If I Could Go
Beyonce ft. Ghostface Killah – Summertime (remix)
Ill Al Scratch –  Summertime (It’s All Good)
Janet Jackson – Doesnt Really Matter
Lil Lee ft. Nickelus F – Burglar Love (Produced by Ntelek)
Mobb Deep ft. 50 Cent – If You Want (UNRELEASED)
Nickelus F – Great Set Of Teeth (Monumentous)
Nina Sky – Beautiful People
Nina Sky ft. Rick Ross – Flippin That
Outkast – Morris Brown
Raekwon ft. Ghostface Killah, Method Man & Cappadonna – Ice Cream
Raphael Saadiq ft. T-Boz – Different Times
Swizz Beatz – That Oprah Freestyle
T.O.K. – Footprints
Tanto Metro Devonte – Teaser  (Scotch Bonnet Riddim)


Download: My Summer Jams

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