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It’s been a good 8-9 months and some change since I’ve written anything of real substance in my blog. I hope you like it because a lot has changed since the last time I truly spilled my #HEART out on here…

Enjoy.

________

Due Diligence: is a term used for a number of concepts involving either an investigation of a business or person prior to signing a contract, or an act with a certain standard of care. It can be a legal obligation, but the term will more commonly apply to voluntary investigations. (Thank you Wikipedia)…

Why am I so interested in the term “Due Diligence” you ask?

Well I’ve kind of put myself into a contract in my life that can potentially ruin everything  I truly believe in because let’s face it, It’s totally not in my character to even think this way… I think…. :-/ BUT…  Something seems to be calling me to this lately. A few people know what I’m talking about, but most of you are clueless to this change. It’s sort of the “De-evolution Of H….” A step backwards for a man who not only thinks progressively, but at one point in time didn’t’ give a fuck about what you think at all…. Let’s call it a move towards what is unknown to me, but is working for me at the moment.

#CONFESSION: Clueless is one of my favorite movies ever.

So what’s the deal?

I am attempting to get  more in touch with “GOD.” Yeah, I always believed in “GOD,” but not in the religious sense, but more in the sense of someone who put us all here on a path to where he/she (“GOD”) wants us to end up. And I can’t front I’ve been blessed with opportunity after opportunity to do something more with this life of mine and I’m always kind set off my path by distractions. Distractions…

Yeah what I call “distractions,” some of you call “Sins.” I call them distractions because they’re things that lead me off my path and hinder productivity, growth & manifestation of the destiny that is in front of me. I always believed as humans we were put here to expand and grow, not to follow and die… That’s why I could never grasp certain concepts that people live by…. Things like religion, substance abuse, relationships, etc… I dabbled in all of them, but couldn’t commit myself to any given concept because none ever made real sense in my “BIG PICTURE.”

#CONFESSION: I don’t believe in Hell, but I’ve been there…

But as I’ve “Devolved” and thought about some conceptions like “relationships” and “religion” in particular, they started to make more sense to me and I can honestly say that they’re not such a bad thing… See, I’ve always considered myself to be sort of a cold hearted person. I see people as expendable assets in life. Friends come and go, you talk to family… Well you talk to family whenever it’s that time to get together and after one particularly horrible experience in long term relationships with a women… I kind of gave up on wanting that type of commitment for awhile….

It wasn’t until recently when I started to see “relationships” as more of an “understanding” rather than a game of “like & love.” For instance; I like and love a particular type of woman, but I’d only love a woman who understands and accepts me. I like and love friends who like to have fun and do the same things I do, but I love my friends who have been loyal, upfront, caring and of course understanding. It’s easy to have a circle of friends who smile in your face, but only seem to care when you’re giving 100% of you at your best all the time.  “Fair Weather Friends” is what I call these people. My friends… They’ve always been there no matter what. That small circle of people I count on has never let me down. So I’ll always have their back, no matter what and I know they’ll have mine.

As far as relationships with women…  I’ll only respect a woman in my life who has the heart to respect me for who I am and not only what I do and/or what I believe in. I’ve learned through years of playing games with women that they will believe anything when they’re into you. Doesn’t matter what you tell them. I’ve gotten so sick of playing that game that I’ve honestly started to not give a fuck about what women think of me, but more or less want to know… ===> Do they like what I’m thinking or even care to understand??? and vice-versa. If we can’t connect mentally there’s no chemistry to me….

#CONFESSION: I’m more scared of death coming to those I care about more than it coming to me…

So what do relationships have to do with this notion of “due diligence?”

Well… like I said, I’ve been trying to develop a better relationship with God and I need to do my research before I commit to anything. So I need examples… Friends, Family, Women… All relationships I want to to mirror that of one I’d have with God that works, but where do I begin though…

Throughout my life I’ve never been inclined to ask God for any earthly thing or even ask him for forgiveness for my “distractions.” Why?

Because God’s role in my life has always been as the saving grace… The one who catches me as soon as I start to fall. The protective bubble around me that shields me from harm. It’s been an interesting/fulfilling relationship indeed, but a turbulent one just the same. But over the past 3-4 months I’ve had some eye opening and a truly enlightening experiences that kind of make me want to get more familiar with the Creator. I’ve also learned that modern religion is even more bullshit than I thought it was. I’ve learned that faith makes us believe in fairy tales. I’ve learned to truly believe in something is more of a life long commitment and not just saying you believe in a set of rules and regulations that might get you somewhere WHEN YOU DIE.

But really though… Why are we so concerned about dying when there’s so much to live for?

I don’t know…  And I also don’t know why I even have these questions in my head right now… I’ve pondered over the fact that to change my train of thinking is not an easy task, but when someone does it fucks with my mind to the point where I’ll let these questions consume me till I come to a definitive answer and that’s where I sit now… Pondering… Investigating something that will potentially throw me off my path or set me back on it.

So with a lot of thought and DUE DILIGENCE I have to say I do want a better relationship with God and I’m going to start by learning his word and possibly praying from time to time…

It scares the shit out of me to even think that I’d actually be one of “those people,” but I guess I am… After-all I did go to Catholic School 🙂 and at the end of the day God put us here and he’s here to listen… And that’s all I need him for is ===> JUST TO LISTEN.

….I’m not going to be any different or “change.” I’m still going to be boarder-line misogynistic, I’m still going to talk my shit, I’m still going to be the best family & friend I can be to those I love and I’m still going to believe that life is to be lived to the fullest. So pop a bottle or pop a pill, whatever works for you… Whatever makes you happy…  Just know that the consequences are on the individual and that God can only listen to you, not guide you to your answers… We’re all set to go on a particular path and to those of us that are blessed enough there’s no changing the direction we’re headed in. The only bumps in the road come from the decisions we make that put things out of line, but that’s life…

“I’d take some things back if I could…. but I can’t cuz it’s life!” -Nickelus F

#CONFESSION: I still believe LOVE conquers all…. Though I haven’t had much luck in Love & War…

Feels good to get that off my chest and now I leave it open to interpretation on my readers… What do you think? Am I moving away from my destiny or am I setting myself on the right path?

I honestly can’t say for myself… All I know is that I feel enlightened and fulfilled recently and what I’ve learned has made me think twice before acting and I feel like I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge that has made me feel better overall. As time goes on I might feel something else, but we’ll see…  🙂

#CONFESSION: I #Care

XXXO,

– H Diddy Blogger…

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Being my bloodline is one with the divine. In time brother, you will discover the light. Some say that God is Black and the Devil’s White… Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what’s right. I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt & fear. The rain ain’t gone, but I can still see clear… As a child, given religion with no answer to why. Just told believe in Jesus cause for me he did die. Curiosity killed the catechism. Understanding & wisdom became the rhythm that I played to and became a slave to master self. A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness & his health. My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons, Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital and got truth within them, gotta read them boys. You just can’t skim them, different branches of belief, but one root that stem them, but people of the venom try to trim them and use religion as an emblem. When it should be a natural way of life… Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain’t right? That’s who got you doing right & got you this far… Whether you say “in Jesus name” or Hum do Allah. As long as you know it’s a bein’ that’s supreme to you, you let that show towards others in the things you do… “ – Common

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DISCLAIMER: Like I always say, I write to entertain, but my writing is also part of me. So take it for what it’s meant to be “ENTERTAINMENT” and “MY WORDS.” Oh and it is ART too. I ❤ the arts! Enjoy 😉

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” -Kurt Cobain

How raw of a quote is that?

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m not the best person in this world. Actually I’m probably close to the opposite of what we think is a “Good Person.” I’m not understanding. I’m far from compassionate. And most of all I’m hyper critical. All core values that would make me a good shock-jock on the radio, but leaves me at a distance from some of the people who count on me as a confidante/friend at times. I see it more and more as some people start to distance themselves from me, but why?

I’m actually a nice guy and relatively harmless, besides having a sharp tongue, but what sets me apart from the rest of the “animals” I flock with in society is my “moral” standing. I don’t believe in perpetrating lies while in pursuit of some false “greater good.” Why live a lie to save face or to not hurt someone’s feelings when at the end of the day the truth really can set you free?

I know a lot of people who live a lie or give into things they feel will end some type of “drama” in their lives, but really is that benefiting anyone?

See…  I look at society as three sets. 1) Those who are scared of what’s different. 2) Those who want to be different, but are scared of the people who are scared to be different and 3) The non-conformists.

I’m proud to be #3 because the differences in me is what makes me unique. I like to say this, “I don’t conform. I reform.” People don’t get that about me sometimes and it’s cool. I don’t expect you to understand me right away, but through my writing I hope you get an idea…

Which brings me to The Lies…

I told a friend this once… “Tell someone the truth and they don’t believe you, but if you lie to them… They adore…” It’s so true and sad. We like to be lied to. Someone who’s blunt and honest with you, usually isn’t atop your friends list on FaceBook or Myspace and in most cases you would harbor a deep resentment for someone who keep it “real” with you all the time. Which to me is wack.

The TRUTH hurts, LIES kill…

When you lie to someone, like “Daam Hugh, you look like you’ve lost weight…” Right… Shit like that makes it more comfortable for me to eat more and get fatter and you thought you were being nice. NURP! YOU’RE HELPING TO KILL ME!!!! THANK YOU!

But for real, it’s shit like that, that makes this world fucked up. Who is that benefiting? Bending the truth about someone’s faults doesn’t help them or you much. So I try to be objective and real with people. Someone like myself makes that guilty feeling in you rise up and makes you think. In some cases makes you cry (Yes… I’ve made people cry). The truth hurts and I bask in it. I’m so trill and it doesn’t bother me to be honest because lies only hurt you in the long run.

That’s part of the big reason people confide in me. I’m probably the worst person to confide in overall because to me a lot of the shit people think are “problems” are a joke, when there’s real fucked up shit in society we should be more concerned about. Relationships, he say/she say and pillow talk are not things that are earth shattering…

Don’t get it twisted, I reveal in emotion myself, but I’ve learned that my heart and my mind work separately and that’s what kind of sets me apart from a lot of people. I’m not compassionate to the human cause. It sounds fucked up, but that’s just the way it is. I’m not saying I don’t give to charity or help people. That’s my goal in life, to help people, but we’ve got to see past the signs for help and cut through the bullshit to see who truly needs that help. Basically dead the lies and be honest with yourselves is what I’m saying. Ask yourself, “is this life I lead the life I truly always wanted? Or do I want more or something different?” Is the weight of the world on me or am I selfish and feel my “issues” out weigh the bigger picture?

Strive for #CHANGE…

So what’s the truth about me:

– I’m an ego maniac…

– I’m obsessed with Nina Sky’s music, but not them in particular. They’re cool people I guess, but overall I’d rather listen to them sing than hang out with them…

– I’m emotional… SMH… (._.)

– I flip flop on bad habits in my life… Drinking/Smoking weed. I do them and then I don’t. Currently I don’t and I’m good.

– Women… I ❤ them. 🙂  I see myself settling down with one some day. 😉

– Friends… Love/Hate relationship with all of them, but oddly enough the ones that appreciate my knowledge stick around because I’m usually right about 99.9999%.

– Family… They adore me. Even though I’m the biggest asshole in the fam… I’ll never understand that shit.

–  I’m insecure about my weight… I lost a lot of weight and with that I shed some confidence. It’s suppose to be the opposite way around (I know), but the more I see myself taking on my brother from another mother’s form (Brad Pitt), I find myself less open, which is so weird… I used to be way more confident as the jolly fat man.

– God… I believe in him. He’s pretty awesome.

– Love… I love everything about this world, except Hipsters, Dane Cook & Lupe Fiasco…

– Being in Love… I can honestly say I was in love for a few months last year and the feeling was good even though it wasn’t meant to be. Before or after that, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt it “for real,” but knowing how that felt for real, for real finally… Shit… I think I like it and I’ll know when it’s real when ever it comes around again.

– Money… I got rich, went broke and I’m on my way to being rich again. On that same shit again and all I can do now is STUNT HARD!

–  I’m cocky… If all the bullets I wrote didn’t clue you into that by now, then you’re RETARDED.

– I’m passionate… I go hard… I don’t play by rules…

– I cry… Haven’t cried in a long ass time, but I can admit to having cried.

– Indian women… YEP! 🙂 White girls… Why not! 🙂 Hispanic girls… Sure! 🙂 Middle Eastern women… Depends on how much body hair & nose they have. 🙂  Slanty Eyed Asian/Black girls… meh. 😦

– I’m racist… Yeah….. But not towards religions, cultures and people, but the stereotypes that we put on them. I kind of call out people who live up to stereotypes society puts on them. WE’RE IN AMERICA PEOPLE!!!

– I’m very open with strangers, which makes me pretty strange I guess, but it also makes me honest too. I’d rather be real than _________ <=== you fill in the blank.

I can go on for days with this shit about “me,” but I hope you get it. In this world of a lot of hate, I’ve chosen to not hate anyone. I’ll talk my shit of course, but it doesn’t mean I don’t particular want you to coexist with me. It just means that I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. I make a stunning first impression on people. In that first 10mins of talking to me, you’ve pretty much decided where I fit in your life. From there, it’s really up to you if you appreciate it or think that you’re better off without me. Either way, I’m always gonna be good because at least you know I kept it real.

So… That’s me and if you’re reading this and decided you don’t like what you see… Look in the mirror and ask yourself if anyone has ever seen the real you and would they like what they see?

-H

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

Download: Nas ft. Puff Daddy = Hate Me Now

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Same shit different day…

“Beyonce’s Pussy > Being Illuminati” -H

To understand this you got to read this ===> Proof That Jay-Z = The Devil

CLICK TO ENLARGE

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Fuck the slice we want the pie/ Why ask why till we fry/ Watch us all stand in line/ For a slice of the devil’s pie…” -D’Angelo

D/L: ===> D’Angelo – Devil’s Pie


RELATED POSTS: Proof That Jay-Z = The Devil | On To The Next One Again??? | On To The Next One…| Last Dayz…

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“When the power of love overcomes the love for power, the world will know peace…”Sri Chinmoy Ghose

I’m a strong believer in the power of love… Love is what drives the weak to step up. Love is what makes us act passionately. Love is what makes us happy, sad and feel high all at the same time. Loves is what leads our emotions and our hearts forward. Love was the downfall of many great men/women (So I’ve heard…). I heard that Love conquers all…

But why hasn’t ‘Love’ conquered all???

See what’s fucked up about our world today is that no one is really motivated by ‘Love’… It’s not necessarily about ‘Power’ either. It’s more about the need to just ‘get by’ doing whatever it is we do to get by and dying knowing we did something. When in reality we didn’t do shit, but be part of a machine that subsequently helped shorten our existence.

I basically want to die knowing I LOVED someone and I’ll gladly exit this show with no curtain call. I just want to have that feeling… The feeling my parents still have to this day. The feeling I see when a mother and father look into a new born baby’s eyes… The feeling of comfort and security in the arms of someone who loves me and I love them. That’s all…

The rest of this shit… Yeah I’m good at it, but it’s not going to complete me (Real Talk).

So I guess Ghose is right, ‘Love’ needs to overcome ‘Power’ before people can honestly see what it means and how it can really change the way we look at the world… I just hope that day comes in my lifetime.

-H

Footnote: Sri Chinmoy Ghose is a native of Indian, but spent his final days New York City and resided in QUEENS 🙂 my hometown. <=== How Real Is That

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Love… So many people use your name in vain/ Love… But,those who have faith in you sometimes go astray… Love… Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts… Love… For better or worse I still will choose you first…”Musiq Soul Child

D/L: ===> Musiq Soul Child – Love

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Disclaimer: I needed something to write about and the homie M.Rell suggested I go in on this topic. You can say these are some “random” thoughts on my behalf… I might be a boat and a hoe type of guy or I might not be… 😉 you’ll never know until you really get to know me… For now I’m just a writer with serious writers block… 😦

You ever wonder what the big deal about “Boats & Hoes” is?

Well, I do and I think about it sometimes because I’ve see it so much because my family lives by the water, I worked for the largest boating association in the universe and yeah; I’ve been on the boat.

boats_&_hoesThe feeling a white man must get when he’s out on his expensive 30footer with his daughter’s little co-ed college girlfriends frolicking around his deck is probably one that is as euphoric as getting head while you’re high on opium. Geezz… I can only imagine what goes through the minds of men with boats and hoes.

It’s truly a lifestyle we wish we could all attain, but is the ultimate in frivolous and wasteful living. The funny thing about the “Boats & Hoes” is that I was told once by one of my wealthy co-hearts that “boats” and “hoes” are the worst investment you can make. The cost to maintain a boat outweighs the boats value within a few years and hoes come with the money, so why invest in them?

Homie had a point, but there’s something about boats and hoes that fascinates me so much and makes me wonder why people (particularly white people) have so many of them.

boats_&_hoes2It’s no surprise that as I get older I want more out of life and I wishfully think that there’s more to success than maintaining a boat so some hoes can use it as a floating tanning bed. It seems to be something that I want either way. Not because it’s a sign of high status or because hoes on boats look better than hoes on land, but because when you feel like there’s nothing left, but that type of shit in your life, why not go in for it?

The ultimate goal for guys like me would traditionally be to get the boats & hoes because that’s all we see. I wanted simpler things like stability, a good woman, 2.5 kids and a 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom house on a ½ acre of land, but that’s what I came from and my mum and dad didn’t spend all this money on me for me to settle for less than more than what they gave me. And when I did try to “settle” for that life, I ended up on the short end of the stick. So fuck it…

It’s all about the Boats & Hoes for this nigga… For now…

H Diddy Blogger… Out

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

D/L: ===> Huff-N-Doback (Will Farell & John C Reilly) – Boats & Hoes

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I’d post the Diwali “swastika,” but I want to spare myself from being considered “offensive” so I didn’t, but I think I’m being offensive by even calling it a “swastika” in the first place… Oh well…

It’s Diwali and all my Asian Indian people are celebrating the Festival of Lights over the next 5 days or so and since I’m not “Indian,” but “West Indian” I wanted to put my own people’s twist on the celebration 🙂

So… Enjoy The Diwali Riddim a classic dance hall riddim inspired by the holiday. Also check out my favorite jam from the riddim “Times Well Hard (Overcome)” by Wayne Marshall. It’s dope and makes me move!

HAPPY DIWALI EVERYONE!!!

DiwaliRiddim

…::::MOOD MUSIC:::…

D/L: ===> Various Diwali Riddim (MEGA MIX)

…:::DAILY DOUBLE:::…

“Times well hard and they are today/ But if you don’t work then you won’t get paid/ Many obstacles come along the way/ Overcome, overcome/ Many are called but the chosen few/ Nothin in this world that you can do/ If you work hard then you will pull through overcome, overcome…” – Wayne Marshall

D/L: ===> Wayne Marshall – Times Well Hard (Overcome)

RELATED POST: Uh Oooh…

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ghandiI can write volumes of Mohandas (Mahatma) Karamchand Gandhi’s philosophy and words, but I’m not even in the right state of mind lately to even go there. So… I’d like to share some of my favorite quotes that made me admire and adhere to this man’s word for so many years.

Today is the birthday of one of the greatest thinkers, politicians & humans this world has ever seen. Get familiar & pay homage to  Mahtma (Translation “Great Soul”) Gandhi.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”

“Honest differences are often a healthy sign of progress.”

“I want freedom for the full expression of my personality.”

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

My personal favorite and the one I live by, “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” 🙂

-H

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