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Posts Tagged ‘bitter’

1: 47AM Christmas Morning and I just got off  the phone with a friend of mine who read this blog. Again I got my props for laying it down the way I always do, but it hit me. Am I doing this for show now or am I still not happy? So I read it again and decided to AMEND some parts and add a disclaimer.(AMENDED PASSAGES ARE IN BOLD PRINT)

Also… A good friend of mine told me tonight that I survived a hail of bullets, life threatening illness, 2 car accidents and a broken heart, but I bitch about the last thing the most… Why?

BECAUSE the broken heart didn’t try to KILL ME… I made me feel human … Less like the world had to cater to me. It showed me that being shallow for so long only put me in a worse space with the people who really count in my life.

I was with someone who only cared about me in the same shallow sense they care about the next person they’re with… The difference with me was when I was ready to go all I believed that they were better then that, but truth be told they only care about themselves…

Now I can’t do anything, but take in the LIFE, I’m suppose to LIVE now…

LET’S GO IN…

DISCLAIMER: I’m done writing about how much I’ve been hurt or things of that nature because on the real, I’m only hurting because I haven’t taken the time to realize that everything that’s happened to me has happened for a reason and the ultimate testament to that will be the book I’ve written. So no more of this shit from me in my blog wait for the book in 2009….

As 2008 comes to a close I’ve learned a lot of things such as…

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00. I stopped getting BITTER… I just get BETTER…

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01. Sometimes the people who say they really love us only do when they need us.

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02. SETTLING for less is not an option.

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03. It ain’t all about money.

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04. I have great taste in rings. Simple without the flaws…  On my second time at this I’m gonna do it right this time though, but not anytime soon.

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05. Lois Lame saved my life! Not literally of course. LL came into my LIFE the night I was potentially going to RUIN my life. We helped each other get through a few rough patches and now we have a bond that I hope will last a very long time.

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06. Nickelus F & Drake saved me from leaving the music business. Drake getting signed only showed me that we’re all capable of getting to another level in anything we do. No label would gamble on signing the half jewish/black kid from Degrassi, but Drake made them pay attention and when Lil Wayne took him under his wing, he was GONE! This only motivated F & myself to keep it going and do music for the LOVE of the art and not the money. I LOVE HIP HOP again.

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07. USA Today is AWESOME and taught me I can work for people if they’re as cool as me. They really are cool!

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08. Thinking POSITIVE seems to work better then being so NEGATIVE… (Thank you Aby)

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09. I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t ONE.

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10. My real FAMILY & FRIENDS have held me down this year. I LOVE Y’ALL!!!

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11. The girl that peed in my car can kill herself and I’ll prolly see her in HELL after she does. I’m sorry I just can’t get over that stuff because I really did let it slide, bitch… but you had to go where you went with it and I’m so obligated to let the world know that you’re a MONSTER. You’re lucky I don’t have a picture of you because I’d post that shit… The green piss monster looks close enough to you and will have to do for now.

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12. Writing a book and now this blog has given me space to think clearly and show people that I’m as human as they are…

2008…

So much has gone on in 2008 and it being Christmas Eve I decided to be alittle retrospective in my thoughts on this year in my life.

See I’ve been uninspired lately and can’t seem to draw up words for shit. Maybe because I stopped drinking… Or maybe it’s because I’ve shed a lot of the insecurities that made me write such off the wall things before.

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Being bitter was my inspiration, but now I feel more sorry then bitter for the person I was bitter at. Which is kinda sad because before I exited their life, they had so much potential to do more, but the shift in KARMA (I GUESS) put that on me and every bit of anger and hatred they have for me now only translate to LOVE on this end because they hate me for a bunch of lies they created in their own head to save face for people who really don’t care either way…  Let me rephrase this to people who do care because to be honest I do care and one thing I always said to myself was I wanted to see this person happy and if that’s what they are now, so be it.

Maybe down the line that person will understand ME, but I’ll never forget THEM and will never forget that as much as that person threw their new life in my face it didn’t did matter because my dear if you look at yourself now, you’re a shell of what you used to be and could have been in my eyes

But now it’s same shit different day for you, but now you have someone who caters to your flaws rather then makes you better to stand with… I can appreciate that for 2 years of MY LIFE I made your LIFE BETTER and that’s why you had so much trouble letting go of me at first, but for me I will never get over the TIME I WASTED to see it all go the direction it did.

I can honestly say that’s my fault because my energy wasn’t directed towards anything good at any particular point the first half of 2008 and now I just don’t care I can’t do a thing but do ME…

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SPITE factor me with your actions because that was just a react to everything I did to SPITE you, but at the end of the day when the paparazzi is snapping pictures of our lives everyone will wonder what happened between now and then that made ME into what I am today and I’ll have to owe that all to you and you alone because… It’s in my book… THANK YOU… I owe you a lot.

What else I’ve learned in 2008 is that showing off my skin has opened up a world of opportunity to me and given me freedom to look beyond people who judge me.

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Whether I go to HEAVEN or HELL I’ll know that no one pushed me in either direction, but myself!

I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain, like the WORLD IS MINE.. Which it is going to be…

Like I’ve said in the past, “I do what I want, you do what you can…”

That philosophy has taken me to heights I never imagined within a few short months and I’m moving higher as we speak.

I finally realize why my family raised me the way they did and made me live the way I live now, it was to prepare me for what is to come for me.

Never-mind what I’ve already got (money, land, people…), that is part of it, but POWER; that’s the ultimate reward and now I have the mindset to administer power without G.W. Bushing the situation. I’m after more and won’t stop till I get it.

2008 has been nothing, but learning for me and sometimes lessons we learn in life come later in life

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THE NEVERS

NEVER expected to get my heart broken… I NEVER expected to work for the man… I NEVER expected to change the focus of my book to one person… I NEVER expected to actually finish my book… I NEVER expected to lose weight… I NEVER expected to meet new people who have changed me for the better… I NEVER expected to let go of the past to see a brighter future, while the past is holding out for a lame future (let me stop hating…) 😉 . I NEVER expected to be a blogger… I NEVER used to say never till the unexpected happened…

In 2008 I’ve also learned a few funny things too like…

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1. Because you drive hybrid doesn’t mean you’re saving the environment… Not driving saves the environment and hybrid SUVs are retarded… 2009 CLS or GLS is in my future…. FUCK GOING GREEN!

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2. My taste in women has changed and M.Rell was right going on about 3 years now on that… YES PEOPLE I KNOW I CAN DO BETTER, BUT I WAS CONTENT and that’s what it was at the time and now it’s on to…

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3. White girls get the thumbs up! (Lois Lame enough said!)

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4. Alireza & Shaun are gonna have a problem by summer 2009 when I bring the 50 Cent out on em and take all they hoes!

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5. Women are beautiful till they want a handout. I just love this line…. DRAKE!

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6. And this is a big one. Any feeling towards someone else means you still CARE. It’s funny because you can scream out I hate you, all day, but that’s just showing that you CARE. I guess I CARE… I got a heart still. I LOVE EVERYONE!

That’s about it… I’m done! 2008 was my turning point and now I’m better, brighter and sort of happy. 🙂

So what do I get in 2009?

I can get whatever I like…. yeeeahhh…

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

LISTEN: ===> Drake – Get Over It

D/L: ===> Drake – Get Over It

H Diddy Blogger… OUT

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This is one of my more long winded blogs, but helped me get over a grudge… So enjoy it!

Weekend HIGHLIGHTS:  Moved Ali “I just fucked up my BMW” Reza, lunch we had @ Kabob Bazaar, the Pineapple Soda I drank & taking a picture of Niloufar biting into a mushroom we found growing from the ground. 🙂

Weekend LOWLIGHTS: Seeing the BITCH THAT PEED IN MY CAR… Ali fucking up the BMW… 😦

So what happened???

We didn’t get done moving stuff till around 11PM Saturday night and we had plans to go out meet up with some people and do what we do. (Peace to Shaun, who didn’t make it out…)

See… Shaun and I had planned on going to this club 1223 all week because when ever we drive by it on our way the the “AM to the PM” we always see how it’s jumpin’. So that was the “move” till “moving” took too much time.

Regardless of Shaun not making it out we ended up going to a spot right next to 1223 anyway… Some shit called Connect I think, which used to be a spot called Dragonfly. Ali and I get there a couple hours after our friends and are waiting outside to get in and then it happens…

Bloody fucking hell do we live in such a small world and monsters pop out of every hole we see in the ground sometimes…

What MONSTER you ask? I’m talking about “The Bitch That Peed In My Old Car…” I haven’t blogged about this one yet, but it’s a funny story that turned kind of tragic because it showed me a lot about some people’s character and how some people will do/say shit out of spite to save face…

So why am I so pissed about the bitch that peed in my car?  Well because at the time the situation was funny to me because she was drunk and people do shit like that when they’re really drunk??? I guess…

Add on top of that the fact she was farting and vomiting out the door and got me pulled over and almost arrested on a DUI too… SO FUCKING FUNNY!!! (Can you smell the sarcasm?)

So any hoots, long story short, I made light of the situation to some friends and it turned into a “he said, she said” because by the time the shit got back to her I was the bad person for letting her get drunk, letting her pee in my car, taking her home safely and again, making light of the situation…

How ironic is it that I pretty much almost got arrested trying to make sure this bitch got home safely and got peed on too, but I’m the bad guy???

Oh did I mention a day after she peed in my whip, I copped a new vehicle because I don’t want anyone’s daam pee near me… That shit is NASTY! And I was in the market to get something new and her peeing all over my old vehicle motivated me, big time!

Either way I won’t change my outlook on the situation. If anyone knows me well enough, they’ll know that me and my crew will play you (consistently) if you fuck up! It builds character and if you can’t take it kill yourself because low self esteemis a H Diddy Blogger NO NO… Ask Kenny, Ali, Teresa, Christian, Shaun, Rell, Nick… Everyone knows… And I’ve been the butt of more jokes than all them combined and I’m still on my high horse!

Now I try not to hold grudges on people either, but I couldn’t help it with this one… This chick is like some kind of DEVIL BITCH. From the first time I really got to talk and get inside this bitch’s head, I was like she’s a bit off and daam depressing to boot. So much so that at first I really didn’t care too much for her company.

But me being the way I am and my best friend saying I’d be a good influence on her gave me space to make the effort because I keep it ONE HUNDRED and try to help all of God’s creatures 🙂 . I’ve made lives worth living since 2001! Ask around and you’ll see 😉

I used my special brand of “logical understanding” on her problems to help her cope, but the bitch has such a negative aura I couldn’t get through…

So yeah,  I tried my best and this bitch still pissed on my shit literally and figuratively and seeing her on the street Saturday didn’t help me get over the situation much…

Now I’m assuming her crew saw me too because I think we made eye contact and the dude they had with them came up to where Ali and I were, like looking around and shit, while they stood by the 1223 spot…  

To be frank, I’m not sure if he was there to snoop  or to see what the cover was. If any of them is reading this, then I guess I am as cool as they say I am 🙂 and they were being little SNOOPIES 😦

Now I’m still HOT because I saw that chick and I take it out on the bar! I’m downing drinks for a good 40 mins before I realize i hadn’t had a spot to eat in like 8 hours… So i chill out and get back into my zone.

I’m one of those happy drunk people when I know my limits. So I was just right and wasn’t in a bad mood over that bitch anymore. I danced a little with the ladies we were with and we went to get some breakfast afterwards…

But still, the sight of that bitch bothered me till the AM and that’s when I started this blog; on Sunday morning. I took today (Monday) off to settle some stuff I wanted to do for weeks and found some time to post this… Finally…

OVERALL…. This will probably be the last time I’ll ever speak of her or the situation. Mainly because shit, she doesn’t need to have one more fuck up on her already depressing existence and she’s got to live with her own mistakes and lies too… That’s punishment enough.

And me broadcasting her “Pisscapade” on my vehicle on the web for everyone to read is a good way to vent, but it also helps me get over the grudge… I feel so much lighter now…

– H Diddy Blogger OUT!

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