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Posts Tagged ‘lies’

I come up with titles for blogs before I actually come up with the subject matter for what I’m writing about most of the time. This time around the title came more so from the subject matter and not the need for an eye catching title… I must admit that Because I Fucking Lied To A Priest is pretty trill though. 🙂 And the reality is I’m just speaking from my heart and of course my mind. So take from it what you want. This one is about how I became who I am and how I’m becoming what God has planned for me.

Let’s start from the beginning…

I trace my roots in ideology back to my first Confession when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. I was a pretty straight up character back then. Had a nice head of hair, got my cheeks pinched a lot by the adults, Catholic School uniform always fresh, but I was pretty naive about the world and people in general at that age. It was not till my first Confession where I realized that I had some real insight to what made people function.

First, the act of “Confessing” is a rite of passage for Catholics in general. You basically air your dirty laundry out to a priest and the priest instructs you to do a series of prayers to absolve you of your sins. What most of us don’t realize is, at a really young age these certain rites of passage become sort of a crutch for us. They make us feel less guilty about things we do and more confident that we’ll be forgiven for really bad things we’ve done. For me, at that age, it was more or less something I had no clue about, but had to do because that’s what we did. I was in Catholic school (Duh). When I was “forced” to confess my “sins” that first time I had no clue what I was committing myself to. I totally fell into a state of real question asking and answer seeking later on in life because of the serious mark my first confession left on me emotionally & mentally.

Basically, I went into my first Confession not truly understanding what “sin” was. I learned from school it was this one thing – Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t blah, blah, blah… So yeah of course I didn’t do that shit… But I went into this confession for an awkward two to three minutes and end up lying to the priest just to appease his need for me to confess something to God…. I had no clue what sin I had actually committed before all this, so I made up something and said I lied to my mum once, which in turn made my first Confession my first real sin in hindsight. How ironic…. Long story short he got what he wanted and blessed me and moved on to the next kid.

Fast-forward

That experience got me thinking and kind of made me look back on certain things… Things like innocents, love, understanding, etc. Things I totally had become oblivious of because I started to believe people’s lies and my own lies later on in life… I slowly developed into this person that could give you what you wanted to hear, not what you needed to hear. Unfortunately God makes this “talent” of administering these “Beautiful Lies” only redeemable in certain lights. I can’t seem to lighten up my words or lie to people I actually care about. I try to, but I can’t… It’s funny though… The harsher, the more condescending, sarcastic and patronizing I am to those I love, it seems to make them kind of gravitate towards me even more because I’m not scared to tell them the Truth. Some appreciate it… Others feel like I’m “evil…” Some just choose to not acknowledge that maybe I’m right because I’m saying what the fuck everyone else is thinking.

Why?

Maybe it’s because I fucking lied to a priest and realized down the line that telling people what they want to hear isn’t always going make you the bigger or better person in the all seeing eyes of God… Not saying anything at all (especially to those you love) doesn’t make you the bigger or better person either. Watching the world from the sidelines and not doing shit to change that doesn’t make you a better person either.  Being true to yourself and doing whatever you feel is right for you does make you the bigger and better person though. I can’t say what’s wrong or right for anyone except me, but I do have a talent for seeing the Truth past all the lies we want to believe. The sad truth is that like that priest, we all love to be lied to.

ME though… I see myself finally accepting the fact that I’m not as perfect as the movie I make my life out to be sometimes. I got handed the best and did the worst with it, so now my only desire is to start over… Go back to where I came from to make things right with God and myself. I’ve never been scared to move on or up… I just was always content because the blessings seemed to be never ending, but it didn’t cause any type of real fulfillment in my life till I discovered what God really has planned for me. What’s crazy is that even with that knowledge, it really hasn’t changed me much…

My friends and family tell me, “I have a good heart and soul and should focus my energy towards different “people” and I’ll be happier.”

Whatever that shit means… I don’t’ know, but maybe they’re right. Or maybe I really haven’t done a daaam thing that proves I even have a heart or soul so I try to please everyone. Or the reason I lied to that priest is because I couldn’t admit that maybe, just maybe I’ve been flawed since birth like they say in the Bible (Forgive me I was line 6 years old dogg). Or maybe, I’m just lying to myself right now and justifying everything I think is wrong about me with some bullshit about me lying to a priest and this is all some creative writing mind fuck. 🙂

See… Don’t ever think I don’t give you (the reader) the option to form your own conclusion because we all do it with our own lives anyway; with self righteousness notions about how we “want” to live, a false sense of understanding and a lack respect and love for the 6 billion other people we share this planet with. It’s sad, but true God may have messed up by giving us too many options for away out of trouble.

The question is, is there only one way out?

The answer is YES and NO. It depends on what school of thought you’re drawing from and if we learn to accept 6 billion plus people’s opinions, cultures mindsets and hearts, maybe there would be more love and less lies in this world.

So yeah, the fact I’m still here is living proof that there’s more to it than what we see and hear. I’ll get more into that when I write my next blog… Money, Models & Molly. This one is going to be change a lot of the way you look at those 3 words.

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Head shot, didn’t die. God got a plan for you.” ~French Montana “Sanctuary”

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DISCLAIMER: Like I always say, I write to entertain, but my writing is also part of me. So take it for what it’s meant to be “ENTERTAINMENT” and “MY WORDS.” Oh and it is ART too. I ❤ the arts! Enjoy 😉

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” -Kurt Cobain

How raw of a quote is that?

I’ll be honest and admit that I’m not the best person in this world. Actually I’m probably close to the opposite of what we think is a “Good Person.” I’m not understanding. I’m far from compassionate. And most of all I’m hyper critical. All core values that would make me a good shock-jock on the radio, but leaves me at a distance from some of the people who count on me as a confidante/friend at times. I see it more and more as some people start to distance themselves from me, but why?

I’m actually a nice guy and relatively harmless, besides having a sharp tongue, but what sets me apart from the rest of the “animals” I flock with in society is my “moral” standing. I don’t believe in perpetrating lies while in pursuit of some false “greater good.” Why live a lie to save face or to not hurt someone’s feelings when at the end of the day the truth really can set you free?

I know a lot of people who live a lie or give into things they feel will end some type of “drama” in their lives, but really is that benefiting anyone?

See…  I look at society as three sets. 1) Those who are scared of what’s different. 2) Those who want to be different, but are scared of the people who are scared to be different and 3) The non-conformists.

I’m proud to be #3 because the differences in me is what makes me unique. I like to say this, “I don’t conform. I reform.” People don’t get that about me sometimes and it’s cool. I don’t expect you to understand me right away, but through my writing I hope you get an idea…

Which brings me to The Lies…

I told a friend this once… “Tell someone the truth and they don’t believe you, but if you lie to them… They adore…” It’s so true and sad. We like to be lied to. Someone who’s blunt and honest with you, usually isn’t atop your friends list on FaceBook or Myspace and in most cases you would harbor a deep resentment for someone who keep it “real” with you all the time. Which to me is wack.

The TRUTH hurts, LIES kill…

When you lie to someone, like “Daam Hugh, you look like you’ve lost weight…” Right… Shit like that makes it more comfortable for me to eat more and get fatter and you thought you were being nice. NURP! YOU’RE HELPING TO KILL ME!!!! THANK YOU!

But for real, it’s shit like that, that makes this world fucked up. Who is that benefiting? Bending the truth about someone’s faults doesn’t help them or you much. So I try to be objective and real with people. Someone like myself makes that guilty feeling in you rise up and makes you think. In some cases makes you cry (Yes… I’ve made people cry). The truth hurts and I bask in it. I’m so trill and it doesn’t bother me to be honest because lies only hurt you in the long run.

That’s part of the big reason people confide in me. I’m probably the worst person to confide in overall because to me a lot of the shit people think are “problems” are a joke, when there’s real fucked up shit in society we should be more concerned about. Relationships, he say/she say and pillow talk are not things that are earth shattering…

Don’t get it twisted, I reveal in emotion myself, but I’ve learned that my heart and my mind work separately and that’s what kind of sets me apart from a lot of people. I’m not compassionate to the human cause. It sounds fucked up, but that’s just the way it is. I’m not saying I don’t give to charity or help people. That’s my goal in life, to help people, but we’ve got to see past the signs for help and cut through the bullshit to see who truly needs that help. Basically dead the lies and be honest with yourselves is what I’m saying. Ask yourself, “is this life I lead the life I truly always wanted? Or do I want more or something different?” Is the weight of the world on me or am I selfish and feel my “issues” out weigh the bigger picture?

Strive for #CHANGE…

So what’s the truth about me:

– I’m an ego maniac…

– I’m obsessed with Nina Sky’s music, but not them in particular. They’re cool people I guess, but overall I’d rather listen to them sing than hang out with them…

– I’m emotional… SMH… (._.)

– I flip flop on bad habits in my life… Drinking/Smoking weed. I do them and then I don’t. Currently I don’t and I’m good.

– Women… I ❤ them. 🙂  I see myself settling down with one some day. 😉

– Friends… Love/Hate relationship with all of them, but oddly enough the ones that appreciate my knowledge stick around because I’m usually right about 99.9999%.

– Family… They adore me. Even though I’m the biggest asshole in the fam… I’ll never understand that shit.

–  I’m insecure about my weight… I lost a lot of weight and with that I shed some confidence. It’s suppose to be the opposite way around (I know), but the more I see myself taking on my brother from another mother’s form (Brad Pitt), I find myself less open, which is so weird… I used to be way more confident as the jolly fat man.

– God… I believe in him. He’s pretty awesome.

– Love… I love everything about this world, except Hipsters, Dane Cook & Lupe Fiasco…

– Being in Love… I can honestly say I was in love for a few months last year and the feeling was good even though it wasn’t meant to be. Before or after that, I don’t think I’ve ever really felt it “for real,” but knowing how that felt for real, for real finally… Shit… I think I like it and I’ll know when it’s real when ever it comes around again.

– Money… I got rich, went broke and I’m on my way to being rich again. On that same shit again and all I can do now is STUNT HARD!

–  I’m cocky… If all the bullets I wrote didn’t clue you into that by now, then you’re RETARDED.

– I’m passionate… I go hard… I don’t play by rules…

– I cry… Haven’t cried in a long ass time, but I can admit to having cried.

– Indian women… YEP! 🙂 White girls… Why not! 🙂 Hispanic girls… Sure! 🙂 Middle Eastern women… Depends on how much body hair & nose they have. 🙂  Slanty Eyed Asian/Black girls… meh. 😦

– I’m racist… Yeah….. But not towards religions, cultures and people, but the stereotypes that we put on them. I kind of call out people who live up to stereotypes society puts on them. WE’RE IN AMERICA PEOPLE!!!

– I’m very open with strangers, which makes me pretty strange I guess, but it also makes me honest too. I’d rather be real than _________ <=== you fill in the blank.

I can go on for days with this shit about “me,” but I hope you get it. In this world of a lot of hate, I’ve chosen to not hate anyone. I’ll talk my shit of course, but it doesn’t mean I don’t particular want you to coexist with me. It just means that I don’t care what anyone thinks about me. I make a stunning first impression on people. In that first 10mins of talking to me, you’ve pretty much decided where I fit in your life. From there, it’s really up to you if you appreciate it or think that you’re better off without me. Either way, I’m always gonna be good because at least you know I kept it real.

So… That’s me and if you’re reading this and decided you don’t like what you see… Look in the mirror and ask yourself if anyone has ever seen the real you and would they like what they see?

-H

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

Download: Nas ft. Puff Daddy = Hate Me Now

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