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Posts Tagged ‘life’

The Glow…

I’ve been really taking this life of “leisure” thing seriously lately and I feel in 20-10 that’s the way to go. People who “grind” for it don’t always live the best lives. So I decided to work smarter and not harder my whole life. My philosophy comes with its ups and downs, but overall I’m pretty much coasting and the rewards will he infinite as time passed.

My  blatant flaunting of such things has enraged people like my sister, girls I’ve dated and even some of my friends who think I live in a dream box wrapped in fruit roll-ups (I love fruit roll-ups). They look at me funny sometimes ===> O__o. But whatever… That’s who and what I am.

So as I venture deeper into my obscure way of life/thinking I bring to you the anthem for people who want to see into the world I love to live in. “The Glow

Are you fuckin’ with me? 😉

-H

“Our friendships end in a petty clash… We make new friends and they won’t last. Let’s celebrate this life of leisure. Who really cares if it lasts either? Got the GLOW… We got the GLOW… “

Listen/Download: RJD2 – The Glow

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Glitches…

amil_larrieux

DISCLAIMER: I wrote most of this back in October, but never posted it till now… Great quote and I finally think it’s time to throw it out there. Enjoy…

“You live, you die & spend the years in between asking the question… Why you’ve been through what you been? You lose, you win, you even pay for other sins, but you must always adore the skin you are in…” -Amel Larrieux

Life’s funny sometimes with little jabs and pitfalls that I think are meant to teach us something in the end, but overall don’t really… Why do I say that?

Because do we ever really listen to what our brains tell us is “right” or “wrong?”

We’re taught at a young age to respect our elders and follow the lead of the people who know best, but who’s to say they know best? I learned “right” and “wrong” in the 80’s and 90’s my parents learned it in the 1950’s and 60’s. There’s a generational gap that speaks volumes there. So who’s to say they’re right or our teachers are right? Because they’re our elders?

And it’s like I’m almost 30 years old now and still wandering… Not aimlessly, but recklessly…

I have no right to speak in the vein of a bitter person who feels like the world owes him something because I owe the world sometimes for saving my life about 5 or 6 times, but in exchange I’ve dealt with irony… The worst type of pain.

I know some of y’all can relate and like I tell people all the time, I’ve never had it hard in my life, I make it hard on myself. I push limits… I do things I shouldn’t be doing… I just fucking don’t care sometimes. It’s like I really have found myself spinning with no end.

The thing that keeps me driven and somewhat focused is the fact that I have the opportunity to do as I please in life. I HAVE OPTIONS. My heart and mind is driven by the notion that the OPTIONS I have will carry me through. I endured a lot of hardships and constantly embark on new challenges, but through it all the core remains the same.

The family and friends that have been there will always be a big part of the picture… The people that embrace me for me will always be part of the picture… The people that just don’t know… They will never know till it’s to late and they’re trying to catch up while we’re not even trying to look back.

So what will tomorrow bring?

I can’t predict the future homie, but I will always have to deal with the glitches in life that make it what it is… A LIFE… THE LIFE… MY LIFE…

H Diddy Blogger… Out

D/L: ===> Amel Larrieux & The Roots – Glitches

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“Life isn’t just about the pussy… It’s about finding your passion and never letting go…”

passion

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“It’s crazy how the world turns/ Sometimes, you gotta light up and let it burn/ Sweep up your ashes, put ’em up in a urn/ On a mantle for memories/ I hear you callin’ me, Lord knows you love me…”

D/L: ===> Ja Rule – Passion

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So I wrote like a 2000 word blog on “BITCHES” the other day and it didn’t move me. As much truth that i could spill about how women are, what’s the point in letting them know?

First off they don’t listen… Second, they don’t care… Third, what’s the point?

One thing I’ve learned about women in general is that they don’t see what’s good for them, they see what they want and have to get hurt multiple times to finally realize that… Well I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m over trying to figure it out again and need some time again to figure myself out again. So I’m writing this as reminder that there’s still room for improvement with old #1 here… Let’s go in!

With so much good shit going on lately I can’t help but feel drained for some reason… Like my energy isn’t were it used to me. My routine since the top of the year has been to fill my life with “GOOD,” but things seem to have taken a turn I can only expect because the part of me that can’t shut the fuck up and be happy tends to mess up my vibe (what else is new).

question_mark_faceI’m creatively at a low point and literally not in the mood for bullshit. So like I said in my Dear Summer Blog, “I’m taking a break!” After July 4th I’m gonna start doing me again like I did for half of 2008 cause I’ve got a feeling that I haven’t found my path at all yet. Even though I thought I was on it as 2009 started, I feel now that I was so wrong… I’m noticing that lately… Not wrong literally, but wrong in my approach. Patients, Timing and Understanding are three things I’ve neglected in my pursuits this year. Now I get it and it took what I feel as a major lose of someone to get it, but people come and go and come back around. So I’m confident that when I’m right again things will connect again. Well I hope they do…

So… What’s wrong?

I should be content and most of all happy now. I’ve been blessed with the best, my family has grown with the addition of 2 extended little ones and one immediate (baby girl I think) coming in the winter. I’m 100% confident in my work, 100% confident in my team and 100% not sure about me at all anymore.

successI know SUCCESS is going to be the ultimate REWARD, but the most OFFICIAL LIFE is the ultimate GOAL. That’s all I really ever wanted…I still feel the window for that is still open as long as I start to do more towards it. I’m not getting any younger and I feel like doors for opportunity are closing on me because I don’t move on them soon enough. The more I think about it the more it makes me feel stressed out and tired… The more I try to play it off the more bad I do… Shit… Am I case for some one who needs religion or what?

But you know what, fuck all that! I’m close enough to my dreams to know that religion can’t save me… I just need love and someone with sense to tell me the truth enough so I can believe it… I felt I had that for a little bit this year and feel I’ve  lost it. Kind of makes me feel incomplete in a way, but I can’t really feel that way anymore cause I was too selfish to see past my own shit to appreciate that person for who they were and their real place in my world.

So I think and rethink and ponder and reference and take notes and study and analyze and pick apart everything till I feel there’s a rational way to put it… Then it’s gone…

Nick (Nickelus F) has put my trials and tribulations in records sometimes cause I talk to him about shit I sometimes can’t even talk to my closet people about and he made a valid point to me recently on a track… And that is I don’t get it sometimes, but someones got to be a PIONEER…

Maybe that’s what it is…. I just don’t get it, so I’m gonna take my time again to actually get it and see where that takes me again. It took me less then a year to bury the old me and I’ll be damned if I i dig that sad nigga up again. Chasing after a lame and thinking the world owed him everything… NURP!

I’m at least more confident if anything and now it’s just a matter of making it towards my real goals.

Someones got to be a PIONEER, right? And when I finally get that outlet, I’ma fuck up a lot of people’s thinking with what I bring tot he table. 2020…

-H Diddy Blogger… Out…

…::::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Go hard, today/Can’t worry the past, coz that yes-sterday/ Ima put it on tonight coz it’s my time” -Jeremih

D/L: ===> Fabolous ft. Jeremih – My Time

D/L: ===> Nickelus F – Guitar Vengence

RARE_Front_Cover

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So I’m gonna be 29 this year and sit back and wonder what my life’s been like since I’ve “grown up” and I think “daam… It hasn’t been much of a ride lately.”

I can’t complain about much though. I have been and always will be straight, but really there hasn’t been much “action” lately.

Bringing it way back… I surely can’t complain about my upbringing either, I wasn’t too awkward as a teen and I was always in a position to do something good with myself, but why do I feel like I’m stuck in a rut now?

There’s no real answer to it, but really a need for a call for change… A picking up of the pace of LIFE… A transition from “fitting in to standing out.” God only knows what the pace of my life will be like with some form of change, but I’m more open than ever to it because of key people in my life that seem to demand it from me now.

One being my ===> SISTER… She always wonders why I don’t do more besides write and chill all the time. Questions the fact I’m doing me more than some other things and it’s cool, but I just tell her “there will be time for that when I retire.” Which I hope is soon… 32 year old retirement party anyone?

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Two: ===>  my MUSE… The sometimes standoffish, but only breath of fresh air in my LIFE… They one person who makes me feel like there’s more to this LIFE than just “the LIFE.” She’ll be the first to egg me on to do more traveling or see more thing and explore and open my mind up to more than just my little world. She thinks I live in my “blog world” more than the real world sometimes… She has a point, but again I’m content till I find it in me to do more than just me right now…

K

Three: ===>  my FRIENDS… I love em like family and for some reason, the ones that have stuck around, know me for a lot more than the brash, foolish, racist, and most of all cruel person I come off to be sometimes. They bring out the worst and the best in me, but most of all actually care… I’ve never been in a real position of severe need in my life, but I know that if I fall they’ll be there to catch me, just like my fam would. They pose to me the challenge of living it up. From Shaun getting me twisted at the club off 4 bottle of  Champagne to Shkeema, Who-Lee Hoop and Aby showing me that girls can get it in just like us guy sometimes… Then there’s Ali… Well we keep it real… We spend a lot of money competing on who can get the best toys. 2009 I went economy class though so you win. 2010? Bentley GT > 3 Series BMW? I think so… And no one does it bigger than Kofi, No one is as fly as Ace, No one more expensive than Nammi, Kenny’s my white brother & Lois Lame is my white girl, Anoop & Nu are my brown brothers… Alex is everything I used to be, but more ambitious and hungry… I can only lead this dude by example and hope he doesn’t make the same errors I did before I really learned the music game… So yeah… ===> YOU’RE ALL MY NIGGAS! And I ride with you!

friend_collage

Four my ===> PARENTS… The sweetest people I know and as the shift in power has moved over to my sister and I, they take the brunt of the abuse now because we carry them like they’re our children. It’s kinda weird, but it’s the natural order of things I guess. They urge me to move on and up with myself. Settle down… Start a family… Start to see LIFE for the way they did before society went to HELL… I FUCKING FEEL YA… But as much as I want it, I want it to be with the right person and it will come to me, if it already hasn’t. 😉

parents

Five ===> NICK! (NICKELUS F)… Optimistic… Insightful… Smart… Homie’s smart and is a sponge even though he chief’s daily. A genius to me in so many lights and has only give me one bit of advice in my whole LIFE that kinda made me not do one of the stupidest things I could have even done with myself over a year ago. This nigga hasn’t seen half the shit I’ve seen, but will soon enough see it all. He’s been blessed with a new family, a new home and he’s blessed me to see that we’re not all alike or have the same aspirations, but at the end of the day… LOVE is LOVE and if they don’t “LOVE” you it ain’t poppin’. Words that I carry with me when I think about relationships, friendships and family… Now it’s all UNCONDITIONAL LOVE with me and if you don’t LOVE ME… THEN LEAVE ME ALONE. 😉

nickelus_f_heathen_sampler_graphic

So this LIFE… HA! It’s mine and I got to figure out what to do with it. I’m so in tune with the pace of sound (MUSIC) and other people that I sometimes forget that there’s so much more I can be doing rather than keeping up with shit. It’s perplexing in a way… I do me… I mind them… I forget I’m suppose to be doing me… I do me more and it gets out of hand…

It’s a struggle for sure and I’m no where near coping with it anytime soon. I look at the way some people have to “LIVE” and think to myself, “thank goodness I was raised the way I was.”

Than in extreme cases I think, “maybe that way would be better.”

Then I go, “NAAAAHHHH… I’m straight…”

BLOODY HELL! LIFE! I wasted so much of it… From college to 3 years of wandering through LIFE wondering if I can fit into a world that I was never meant to be in. LIFE is a trip I’ve always seen myself coast through till real decisions needed to be made and like my heart rate when I run, the pace speeds up till I run out of steam… And what do you do when you run out of steam?

You keep going… You make shit work for you the best way you can. You pick up the pace even more… You relax, relate, release and expand your mind to make it all clear.

YOU LIVE THE “FAST LIFE”

Why not? It’s about time I saw what people have been talking about for so long and just live it up. I’m not talking about drugs, sex and rock & roll… I’m talking about LIVE, LAUGH & LOVE… Be more in tune with HAPPINESS rather than SHIT.

See I tend to pick apart, rationalize and most of all patronize… I’ve never claimed to be the smartest person I know, but I’m the most logical. Things I do sometimes don’t make sense, but to me they make complete sense because at the end of the day it’s what works best for me. People can’t handle my type of thinking sometimes because it’s so outside the box that it’s on another planet. Give me ground to make the claim that I can do shit like be PRESIDENT one day or be more than just what I am and I believe I can do it. SUCCESS IS NOT AN OPTION… IT’S MY BURDEN… I’VE BEEN CALLED FORTH!

Your_Unforgettable_LifeSee the shining example of my being is that I’m “UNFORGETTABLE” I may not impact everyone’s LIFE, but I’ll make an impression and for me to pace it out with a new way of living can be revolutionary… MONUMENTOUS.

So lets say that My SISTER, the MUSE, My FRIENDS, My PARENTS and NICK are right and I “reform” myself and adapt to not just doing me, but to do more… Where do you think that will take me in life?

Fucking great question…  I have no clue right now, but I’m working on an answer. Shit a lot of you who read my shit already know where I’m at and what I’m capable of, but why don’t I do it?

Because I haven’t learned what it means to live yet. Can’t have it all unless you know how to use it… I’m on a mission to do my motherfuckin’ best to use my life to the fullest… If you with me let’s ride cause it’s gonna be a fast ride to the top.

So goals for the 3rd & 4th quarter of 2009… Pick up the pace… Live Fast…

– H Diddy Blogger… Out

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Look I work hard, but I’m underpaid/ And I never ran away, but I’m like a runaway/ Veeeerrmmm Roooooom! Speedin’ on the highway…”Nickelus F

D/L: ===> Nickelus F – Outta Here

“Livin the fast LIFE, in fast cars/ Everywhere we go, people know who we are/ A team from out of Queens with the American dream/ So we’re plottin up a scheme to get the seven figure cream…” -Kool G. Rap & Nas

D/L: ===> Kool G Rap ft. Nas – Fast LIFE

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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“Life’s  like the lottery to me… Thing is, I already got the DOLLAR(S), now all I only really want is the DREAM… So now I’m gambling on a shot at the opportunity for that DREAM to come true… -H. Mulzac

lotterytickets

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inspirationSo I’ve been without my inspiration for a little bit now and it’s not like I’m in that ‘I don’t feel like writing” mode, it’s that I’m just not inspired by what I see and hear around me lately. Part of the problem is I’m grounded… No whip (car) for at least another month and the exciting adventure that is my life is sort of on vacation in reality land for a short while. It’s all good though because It’s only going to build character and give me some time to think about what my next move is, which leads me to what I’m about to go in about.

AT THE END OF THE DAY DOES IT REALLY MATTER???

It’s a rhetorical question that some of us ask ourselves daily. Me personally I never really cared enough to figure that anything mattered till lately and it’s kind of… I guess good 🙂 that I care more now, but does it really matter?

At the end of the day we all die anyway, so why give a fuck about anything?

Well… That’s what makes us human. Our ability to care and think prolifically to garner the best results out of life, but at the end of the day who’s to say what’s best for us in LIFE besides ourselves?

I mean people from our family, to our friends to our jobs are constantly telling us how we should “LIVE.” I personally don’t think anyone has the right to tell us how we should live, what we should think or how we should conduct ourselves as individuals. I’m driven by a moral standard that prevents me from killing, raping or hurting other people in general (oh and I don’t want to go to jail either… Not a good look), which makes me “normal,” while others may not be like the majority that has this “common morality.” But that’s all good and shows the yin & the yang of our world. We can only let God judge us for how we live at the end of the day because God is the one that set us on our particular path in life.

footinmouthSo really at the end of the day what makes me and some others special is the ability to not carry on the burden of the masses. The ability to speak my mind and give an opinion. An opinion that some of you may love or hate, but at the end of the day is just another part of what makes me who I am and what makes you who you are.

Without the avenue to speak and think freely what the fuck is there left for us?

I’d die if I couldn’t speak my mind and let people know what I had to say or was feeling. That’s just me as a person and at the end of the day it’s like what makes me unique. Sometimes I get flack from friends (some friends more than others…) for how I so bluntly put things because I speak out before I think of someone’s reaction to what I have to say and that’s when the mighty foot is placed in the big mouth.

I’m no stranger to scrutiny by my peers though and I’ll admit, sometimes I’m dead wrong, but at the end of the day who/what is really right and like I said, “does it matter?”

I don’t think it does or ever will. I just want to be happy & I just want to live, which brings me to this…

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDSspeak_your_mind_by_whuffe1

So at the end of the day… If my actions wholehearted don’t reflect the retarded things I may say, does that make me bad because I speak out a certain way?

Some of you may say YESSIR!!! And others have gotten to know who I am and what kind of person I really am and can write it off as me being the bubble pot of wit and charm the ladies love and the dudes adhere to be 🙂 . See… I still have faith in some of the most terrible people I’ve ever encountered in life because again… Only God can judge us, so let’s leave it all in his hands at the end of the day

Oh yeah… AND FUCK WHAT THE HYPOCRISY HAS TO SAY BECAUSE MOST OF THOSE PEOPLE HAVEN’T LOOKED IN THE MIRROR AT THEMSELVES ENOUGH TO FAIRLY ASSESS THEIR ROLE IN THIS WORLD, SO FOR THEM TO JUDGE YOU FOR HOW YOU LIVE IS TOTALLY ASININE (FOOLISH)!

So I conclude by saying, “it doesn’t really matter…” At the end of the day… You (the individual) only have the right to say what’s really good or bad for you. God gave you a brain for that. USE IT! And don’t ever judge others for what they say or do or how they live. I come from a background that’s always held the bar high, but leveled me with the understanding that as a people we’re all the same… Money & Power do separate us, but as easy as it comes, it can go and that’s the ultimate level…

Can you handle it if at the end of the day you get leveled??? I did, but you can read back in my blog on that…

-H Diddy Blogger… Out

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

Janet Jackson – Doesn’t Really Matter

D/L: ===> Janet Jackson – Doesn’t Really Matter

LISTEN: ===> Janet Jackson – Doesn’t Really Matter

JR The Great ft. Janiz Ian – From Me To You

D/L: ===> JR The Great ft. Janiz Ian – From Me To You

LISTEN: ===> JR The Great ft. Janiz Ian – From Me To You

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