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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

BACKGROUND:

run_dmcRUN DMC was the first Hip Hop music I got a taste of back in 1986. I remember rockin’ out to this on Z100 when it used to play like a good mix of everything that was hot!

When I heard this it sent me swangin! I had to buy the album. (Refer to my 1st blog ever Where Is The LOVE? to get more insight on how I fell in LOVE with the music).

I copped their album Raising Hell and it made me look at things a whole lot differently and looking back I think it was a time in my life that I can remember vaguely, but cherish  because it kind of set me to go down a meaningful path with myself at a young age. I started to become interested in music, art and writing. I was only 5 or 6 at the time and that was MONUMENTIOUS!

So first off, I want to thank RUN-DMC for being the inspiration that’s made me want to do this FOREVER….

And when I think about home and where it all started Jamaica, Hollis, Queens Village and even the Southside… I smile and think to myself everything I LOVE came from Queens. Family, Life Long Friends, Places and Experiences…

From my first crush to my first kiss it was in Queens… Today, things from the motherland (Queens) seem to have come back into my life and blessed me again, but that’s another blog and another day.

I’m kind of tearing up here (tears of joy) cause to me everything that once meant so much to me is starting to comeback to light and I owe to… Well… They know who they are and I’m thankful for them bringing back that memory for me.

negativeI used to tend to dwell on the negatives of my past to keep me from making the same mistakes again, but that kinda brings you back to the negative because in every negative situation you can pick the positives out of it and find yourself going back to that shit like people who are addicted to drugs… OR… PERFECT EXAMPLE a bad relationship (“Break Ups, To Make Up”) you go back to what you feel comfortable doing, but if shit ain’t gonna change where’s it going?

I went though it for a good part of 2 years and apparently a couple of my close friends are now too (thank goodness I ain’t trapped up anymore, but I’ll hold y’all down when the shit hits the fan again).

AS I see it the line between “what’s good for us” and “what’s been good to us” is thin and can blur our thinking sometimes… It can be blurred up to the point where you want to say, fuck it I’m gonna go all in cause this is all I got going for me right now, but you know what?

When I think a thing like “HOME” (Queens) all I can remember is THE GOODNESS and that’s all I really want. Nothing else, but GOOD. So I’m going to carry that notion with me no matter where I end up geographically, relationship wise or in life in general. IF you strive for what is meaningful, right, and GOOD you’ll see the best outcomes down the line.

And even though life is moving at a moderate pace for me right now I’m not gonna slow walk it out, I’ma go HARD, so I can go HOME because no place has brought me the experiences and people that Queens has.

PAUSE===> Now this is no disrespect to everyone I’m close to now. I love y’all like fam, F, Kenny, Shaun, Ali, Julie, Aby, Shkeema, Teresa, Jared, Kofi (even though you are from BK), Alex (BK again..), KJ, BB, Nammi, Jeny, My French Tutor, C4, my wonderful work crew, of course Lois Lame and if I forgot you it’s early and I’m buggin’… SORRY DAWG (SIDE NOTE: Aby you’re right, I can’t see you saying “dawg” or “dogg” that’s so odd…). Y’all mean the world and drive me with every bit of insight my crazy ass has taken in and spilled over time.

It’s just the most SPECIAL of the SPECIAL seems to have come from this part of town and I think in retrospective it’s a sign… We’ll see…

SO let’s go back and focus on RUN-DMC being inducted to the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame. Below is video of the induction with Eminem, Rev Run, DMC & their families… R.I.P. Jam Master Jay…

This is milestone for Hip Hop and Queens. I come from the greatest Borough in NY (Sorry Brooklyn…) and when I finally come back home, I’m gonna smile and say, “we did it because this is the HEART of NY…”

H Diddy Blogger… Out

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

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Before I go in… I got to remind y’all this is just me writing. A lot of it comes from personal experience and a lot of it comes from inspiration, but most of it comes from my brain.

I function on a higher level of creative thinking that kind of meshes my life into my words and a lot of people take me literally. Like some people who read my blog or writing in general think I’m a “lost soul…” Well I might very well be that, but according to my portfolio, I’m doing just fine.

So enjoy what I write as a novelty and not a literal interpretation of who I am because for real… Only a few people know me and what I write is an expression of a particular part of me, but not 100% me.

So take your time and enjoy this bit of entertainment like it’s your favorite sitcom. 🙂 LET’S GO!

haterIf I was your man…..

I’d… hit that sh*t like A-Rod….

Don’t you understand I… (I’m)…

I’m trying to be your favorite blogger on your blogroll

I know this wasn’t planned…  All I got is LOVE

What he got?

NOTHIN’

Take this chance…

OH! I’m being such a HATER…Why?

Cause women are strange creatures. No matter what the situation.

I feel like sometimes when it comes to women nowadays I dig too deep cause I need to fill a void left from my last relationship(s). Mainly because in the past (aside from maybe 1 relationship) all I’ve stuck with were needy twits, but aren’t the majority of women that way as it is… NEEDY?

It’s either ATTENTION or MONEY or SEX or SECURITY or SEX & MONEY… Issue after issue when all I want to do is CHILL… Where’s the women who like to just kick it? Who like to get to know you or spend the time generating a common interest that bonds you? The chicks that know it’s deeper then just what I can do for you, but what we can do for each other?

SIDE NOTE: ===> A relationship is built on give and take… When someone is giving too much, yeah it fills our natural need to nurture and help other mammals survive and grow, but it’s not what bonds us MENTALLY. If you’re in that situation and maybe it’s not all that, but emotionally consumes you… It’s not usually the best thing. Shit I was in it and it’s definitely not worth the effort no matter how you think you feel about the person because those people don’t care about your feelings, they just suck you dry emotionally when there’s so much more out there… (Words from a HATER…)

So any hoots… Yeah I’ve found a “bond” with someone and you’d think it would be a sweet situation, but like all things in love and life it’s got complications.

WHY?

Cause that’s the way it is and shit it got me lookin’ like a HATER…

Doesn’t matter what I say or do, 2 factors keep me from even getting to know where it can go and it got me kinda twisted and you know something… ===> I’m too FLY for that.

This nigga The Dream said, “how did one look at you over take the kind HEART in me…”

Yeah that’s kinda what I feel, but not really…

I’m at a point that makes me want to say fuck it and keep it moving cause I ain’t even seeing this chick like that (YES I REMAIN SINGLE). I got enough female friends already (Uughhh)…

BUT still I walk through clubs and my radar is on and my mind is somewhere up top thinking about that… Got me on my Yaggfu Front “LeftField” steez… 😦

Yeah… There ain’t no plan of action I can really take… I’m kinda lost in my own ways. So why do I continue to HATE?

That’s human nature… It’s in us to not like the “opposition” to not like a certain race or religion because they don’t fit into the scheme of how we feel shit should be… But if you think about it… The world we live in now isn’t that great at all and to spread a philosophy of “HATERISMS” is not progressive or logical… It kinda sets us back to a time when personal happiness was not a focal point for our existence. Old thinking is the reason we have over population, a huge divide between upper and lower class and shit like war…  And you’d think for the most part the new generation is not retarded… RIGHT???

sky_girl

So… WHY AM I FUCKING HATING!?!?! In a world of billions of people there’s got to be some(ONE) else that will fall from the sky for me… It happened once already and for a short time it was great just getting to know someone for once without the extras making it complicated.

And I like to consider myself above and beyond HATING nowadays because I’ve learned through experience that we function on our brains not our hearts. Our hearts make the machine run and react to what our brains tell it to do. So when your heart skips a beat and flutters when you think about someone, it’s your brain signaling you to chill…

My brain tells me to let my heart beat steady from now on…

So I’ve decide to fall back, fall out and continue on my path…

Am I a HATER??? Yeah… Admittedly so I am,  because when there’s no love, hate or emotion there, then that connection is gone. Being indifferent towards someone like they don’t exist pretty much is the end all to any relationship or connection you have.

What I need to know is, is this relationship/connection not worth keeping or is it deeper and I’m just being SELFISH H again and wanting it all?

I really don’t know… 😦

For now though I got to find Houstatlantavegas ===> I’m gone… Meaning… Figure out yourself, SUCKAS!!! 🙂

H Diddy Blogger… OUT

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“Girls like you turn men like me into HATERS & I must admit it, you got me lookin’ like a HATER…” – The Dream (BOOOOOOO…) 😦

D/L: ===> The Dream – Hater

LISTEN: ===> The Dream – Hater

…:::BONUS MOOD MUSIC:::..

D/L: ===> Yaggfu Front – LeftField

LISTEN: ===> Yaggfu Front – LeftField

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I’ve decided to title my book, Focus On Women And You Get Less Done… because it’s true… I got a lot I want to get done before I settle down and focusing on a chick doesn’t get any man too far. Hitler, Hercules, etc… Only exception I see is Hugh Hefner, but he makes money off these bitches, so I guess he got to focus on em…

 

I’ve taken 3 excerpts from my book that I’ve edited down to give ya’ll as a preview. I’m giving a pretty open and frank view in this book to give some closure to a chapter in my life that I am very hurt over. Why? Because when it was going on it had me confused to where I wanted to be in life. I changed, but lost my focus on the path I was set for.

 

So yeah walk with me through some snippets… Spring 2009 the book hits a store near you!

 

Excerpt #1: The Overview…

 

This is an open letter to all my dudes out there who are in those relationships that you can’t seem to figure out.

 

I’m a strong believer in the “power of love,” but when you love things like money, land, cars (yes the Bentley GT Continental is worth more than a bitch to me right now) and slaves (shit who doesn’t want slaves?), where is there time for a women when you have goals and ambitions that you want to achieve?

 

A little less then a year ago I was about to say fuck it and go all in for a chick because I was what they call “happy” with my situation… Yeah it was kind of sweet to have someone, but I didn’t have all that shit I wanted listed above just yet. It was in reach, but I had to make a decision to where I wanted to go… I went towards the dark side… Got my chips in order and was ready to go in.

 

Long story short; thank goodness for fate and where it leads people… I came back and was in, but she was out because it wasn’t right… She wanted to trap a dude and I was only willing to settle down because of her… Oh! And then there was the culture clash and the lies she perpetrated that I hated for so-so long…

 

All this shit amounted to chaos, disorder and eventually the end of an 8 year friendship and a 2 year relationship. I say oh well (now)… I can’t cry over spilt milk (even though we both did) and at the end of the day, we’ll still have that common bond that made us come together in the first place. So I’m good with knowing that even though it seems we hate each other because of the bullshit, we both know we still got each other if we ever need it (which now will probably be a long ways off).

 

That experience in my life made me biter to say the least, but what can I do? Move on? Sure… But I got a lot of shit I want to do first…

 

Excerpt #2: Women…

 

They say, “the woman that is with you on your rise to the top is the one that loves you the most….”

 

That’s bullshit! Relationships are gambles and most of all an investment. A “modern” woman doesn’t need a man to be complete or to hold her down.

 

A “needy” woman nowadays seeks the comfortable life and the support of a man and will settle for the least in personality, class and looks to get it in most cases. If you’re content with being a baby machine and pin cushion for a lame dude for the rest of your days then howdy-do needy woman welcome to the LIFE!

 

 

Excerpt#3: ME!

 

Myself… If I ever get back into the game I want a bad bitch…One that’s upfront about her needs and never lies. Don’t tell me it’s not about the money when I’m buying you everything… Love me for me, not what you think I’m going to do for you if we ever get married. The time people spend together is precious and should be cherished because at the end of the day, you are stuck with that one person. If they don’t come through on all the promises they spilled to you before you say, “I do,” then you’re fucked!

 

 

There are some shorts from the book. As scattered as that stuff seems, it’ll make sense when you read it in detail when the book comes out. It’s pretty deep and I’m so going to write a screenplay off of it if the book does well.

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