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Posts Tagged ‘whatever it takes’

car_crash_heart I’ll have to admit it I’m a closet Fall Out Boy fan… Don’t judge me, but they made one of my favorite songs of all time… “Car Crash Hearts(Thriller)”

This song doesn’t make much literal sense really and frankly I think the song is more about killing yourself or killing multiple people… 😦 Lines like, “I can take your problems away with a nod and a wave… of my hand cause that’s just the kind of boy that I am the only thing I haven’t done yet is die and it’s me and my plus one in the afterlife…” shit like that kind of throw me for a loop and he keeps saying,Fix me in ’45’…” Is he talking about a pistol to fix him??? WOW…

I don’t even know… The message is blurred and you can interpret it the any way you’d like…

Any hoots, let’s talk about my favorite line from this song instead: 

I have found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes. Every dot-com’s refreshing for a journal update…

I look at that line like this… See when you write a blog, a journal, a book, screenplay or an honest piece of music, people pry into your life and talk about it… Like it really is thier business, but it’s kind of not, it’s what drove you to be creative and may or may not be spot on to how you feel. Like if I make a video blog with 6 girls in it and we’re joking about sex and shit… It doesn’t mean I’m fucking all of them… I always say the best way to entertain is to express real shit in your art because it makes it something people can relate to. Especially when you do music or comedy.

So why do I do it? Why do I spill my thoughts and feelings on this blog, a book and scripts?

writingWell… I wrote a blog about this awhile ago called WHY DO I WRITE? and the flurry of criticism still hits me, so I want to explain in more  detail… Why I Write…

Not for the attention because there’s so much I regret writing as I think back that I wouldn’t want the people I wrote about to even see now, but it’s too late and you have to live with regrets sometimes… It’s always going to be hard to look at the shit I used to write even though a lot of my readers love it… I can’t go back and say I was in the right state of mind when I went in and yeah some of it was just wrong…

Not for a reminder of my past because my past is what it is, the past and if it comes back around it will be my present. Ain’t no way to tell the future when we live in the now. People get it fucked up when they plan for the future… The most successful and happy people I know live in the now and don’t worry about if the market crashes or if they don’t get the right job or the right mate. We live, learn and grow from our mistakes. That’s why we were given this life. 1st, 2nd and 3rd chances come into play when God says you deserve them. If you don’t get them then it’s game over… You’re past, present and future are definitely irrelevant…

creativityI do this because it’s  my release from the craziness I see, the people who get in my head and life in general. I spend time talking to creative people daily and we’re all pretty much the same. We strive to be understood by the masses, but keep changing when they start to catch on because that’s the way we like it (STRAIGHT PARADOX). I’m also LEFT handed and  they say we think with the right side of our brains, which tends to make us more free thinking, open-minded and most of all temperamental when we’re faced with people trying to limit us. Also, having a creative mind is a blessing and a curse because we need outlets to let this stuff we think out. To hold it back is basically setting you up to go mad eventually… Trust me… I know the feeling oh too well… I was stuck in that mindset for almost 2 years now and recently got set free!

So to all my writers, musicians, painters, sculptors, graphic designers and people who doodle in their notebooks… I tip my hat to you and dedicate this Fall Out Boy “Car Crash Hearts (Thriller)” song to you to ponder over and enjoy. It’s one of those things you have to appreciate because as much as it doesn’t make sense it’s still CREATIVE and if you can’t appreciate art in all it’s forms, you’re not as worldly as you my think you are…

-H Diddy Blogger… Out

dart

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

“So long live the car-crash hearts!!! Cry on the couch all the poets come to life!!! Fix me in 45!!!” LET’S GO!

D/L: ===> Fall Out Boy ft. Jay-Z – Car Crash Hearts

…:::DAILY DOUBLE:::…

“Alright I’m dealin’ with some shit homie, it’s in the back of my head. An’ it’s some shit homie, but I just rap write it instead… An’ it’s hard try’na keep this in ya; So I write it all down, so one day maybe when LIFE is all sweet I’ll remember… An’ I’m the only thing that’s standin’ in my way y’all. But I gotta be with me, it’s no escape y’all…”

D/L: ===> Joe Budden – Whatever It Takes

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Disclaimer: I’m writing specifically for someone who I kinda feel is like a big deal. This one isn’t to really entertain or teach or preach or to spill my guts about an issue or to poke fun at something… It’s just some real heartfelt words for someone who means a lot to me and who has inspired me to do better. So you may not get what I’m talking about if you choose to read on, but enjoy it and maybe you all can pick something from it that you can possibly relate to.

summer&winterAs summer starts to heat up so does our spirits and minds. We start to think about being active rather than reactive like we are in the winter. You know what I’m saying?

In the summer we’re out and about with things to do (ACTIVE)… While in the winter we’re shut in looking for something to do that will hold our attention and captivate us long enough to make it to the sunny days that come with the changing of a season (REACTIVE).

People that come into our lives are like that sometimes too… And I think my Muse is no different… See people take the chance to let people into their worlds they feel they can trust or look to for support, guidance or just a kind word now & then and that’s what happened with us. We came into each others lives with that in mind, but somewhere the lines got blurred because we never really knew each other well enough to let each other  in as much as we did and to be honest it kinda fucked things up.

dream_catcherI don’t regret anything I’ve said or done because to be real the only reason my Muse doesn’t have  a place for me in her life now is because I’ll be the first person to tell her that she doesn’t have to do what she’s doing and to keep believing she can go through and accomplish her dreams…

Yeah… I’m a big believer in going after your dreams and what you believe in, which is the hype that kinda captivated me into digging this girl so much in the first place cause she was all bout it bout it when we first started talking, but I guess the pressures of the life around her set the stage for what eventually happened to our friendship…

Text_MessagingBut then again, I can’t front; we clashed on so much because of the way we communicated. Drumming up an issue to a person like me through an IM, a text or an email is like wanting a war of words you can’t win because I just don’t give into a jab and now realizing where this has went, maybe she wasn’t that serious in her “talk” as i figured and a lot of the jabs from my end were superficial… Or like she says, ” I misconstrued” what she was trying to say… All I can say to that is, how can I misconstrue something when it’s so clearly stated in bold letters?

Think about it…

Well too little, too late for me… I’ve been cast off by my Muse… She told me that I’m too “negative” and I cramp her style now…  Which naturally blew me away and hurt since I can think back and recall her saying I was blip of positive light in her life at some point, but that was before “reality set in” I guess and we all know what  reality is when you let it “set in?”

It’s when we become content with what we have to deal with because of  life changing circumstances… It’s not necessarily what you want or what will make you ultimately happy, but when you have the “grin and bear it” philosophy in your head you’re gonna have to “roll with the punches” and get continually beaten down by those punches in the process… You can either fight it or smile and take it and try to live with the decision you’ve made to SETTLE for what you think is the only thing left for you.

I guess to smile and take it takes STRENGTH to do and is commendable and is something I respect. After all LIFE is what we make of it at the end of the day? But don’t take the piss out on me because I still believe in all the aspirations and dreams you had or rather “have.” I just tried to keep my mouth shut before because you react rather than relate and try to understand…

I mean you tell me one day that the sky’s the limit then a couple of months down the line it’s content with… A new path… New people… A new outlook that kinda left people like myself out to dry and I thought  that would never happen because of our connection. But I guess a strong bond mentally is only as strong as it’s weakest link and when you’re not vibing with me, the small things we have in common, like music, or favorite color (Green), Nina Sky…  and dreams, seem to not mean as much when you decided to replace them with a whole new mentality.

museAll I can say is a sincere FUCK YOU! for your reaction and not take it back… I may have lost my Muse in the physical, but she’ll always inspire me to be positive and do right. I can say maybe, just maybe she’s given up on a not so clear dream she once had, but I’ll let her know this now… That dream is still in me and I’ll make sure it will come true whether you decide to accept it or not.

As retarded as this whole thing may seem, it’s how I feel… You wonder why I’m so open and engaging with people… It’s because when I bottled in my feelings I was a shell of the person who captivated you 7 months ago… And what’s sad is, you’ve kinda went backwards on me and slowly, but surely shut me out…

The void you’ve left for me creatively is going to be hard to fill because no one ever has inspire me like you have. You pretty much built this “blog”  because of the things we’ve talked about or experienced has been in every bit of writing I’ve had since I met you. You’re truly MY MUSE and I’ll never forget what that means to me going forward.

I can say fuck it all and not keep a place for you in my heart, but I won’t because like I expressed a long time ago… My friends are like family to me and no matter how negative you think I am or how much you feel I’ve tried to pick at you or argue with you, it was all meant with good intention and I think you know that because if you think back on every fight. You only “won” because I gave in, but I’m not gonna ever let someone write me off for something I’m not and that’s how we ended up here…

You choose to take it for what you want it to be in your head, but one day I hope you realize that this dream we shared is easy enough to achieve if you have the heart to do it again. I’m in and will always be, I’m building and growing and expanding. I wrote that Dear Summer blog with you in mind because I saw this coming awhile ago…

Now it is what it is and this is not closure, but a break from a friendship that had too much going on in it so soon, with too much distance to actually piece things back together before it was too late so we had to peace it out…

H Diddy Blogger… Out

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

D/L: ===> Joe Budden – Whatever It Takes

This sets the mood cause I don’t like Joe Budden, but this song kinda always made me feel like there is a way when you see how fucked up it really can be… He puts it down clearly, openly, honestly and most of all is real with his words. This song is what makes me not want to be what my Muse thinks I am. This song is what makes me want to put it on paper and say fuck it. The best artists are the ones who draw from personal experiences with honesty and articulate it to through their art. You’re favorite artist does that (Ryan Leslie) and I can tell that he’s speaking directly too you sometimes and he does the same to me since I got put on I’ve been open…

“Fuck the World, fuck my moms and my girl!/ Well, maybe not mom, jus’ lemme’ remain calm./ This too won’t last, this too shall pass/ At least that’s what I say y’all, that’s what I pray for/ ‘An’ I’m the only thing that’s standin’ in my way y’all/ But I gotta be with me, it’s no escape y’all…/ I guess depression REALITY just stepped in, an’ took-over shit like it’s known ta’ do…” -Joe Budden

…:::MOOD MUSIC DAILY DOUBLE:::…

D/L: ===> Ryan Leslie – I-R-I-N-A

“Sometimes words they just get in the away-Ryan Leslie

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Why I Write…

“Alright I’m dealin’ with some shit homie, it’s in the back of my head. An’ it’s some shit homie, but I just rap write it instead… An’ it’s hard try’na keep this in ya; So I write it all down, so one day maybe when LIFE is all sweet I’ll remember… An’ I’m the only thing that’s standin’ in my way y’all. But I gotta be with me, it’s no escape y’all…”

-Joe Budden

writingIt’s true, we all have personal demons that make use do certain things, but rather than take my shit out on all y’all I write it down. That’s why I write and I don’t think I’ll ever stop…

Doesn’t matter to me what people think (as it is), but when you criticize it rather than try to understand it, it’s probably something you don’t want to understand (as it is). And as I get older and wiser ot the way of people, I don’t give a fuck about how anyone thinks of me. I just pride myself on having the knowledge to do shit like this now. It takes balls to be able to express yourself and when you see the reaction; whether it’s tears or jeers… It’s sort of satisfying and refreshing.

Writing or entertaining is one of the most fulfilling things in life. I wish I had it in me still to hit the stage, but my words are so much sweeter on paper rather than verse.So I do this cause this is what works for me.

So basically I’m writing this because I get that question all the time, “why do you write?”

And all I can simply say is, “to express myself homie… If I can’t do that, there’s no reason for me to even live… And if you can’t deal with me living; come and get me…”

-H

…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…

D/L: ===> Joe Budden – Whatever It Takes

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