It’s been a good 8-9 months and some change since I’ve written anything of real substance in my blog. I hope you like it because a lot has changed since the last time I truly spilled my #HEART out on here…
Enjoy.
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Due Diligence: is a term used for a number of concepts involving either an investigation of a business or person prior to signing a contract, or an act with a certain standard of care. It can be a legal obligation, but the term will more commonly apply to voluntary investigations. (Thank you Wikipedia)…
Why am I so interested in the term “Due Diligence” you ask?
Well I’ve kind of put myself into a contract in my life that can potentially ruin everything I truly believe in because let’s face it, It’s totally not in my character to even think this way… I think…. 
BUT… Something seems to be calling me to this lately. A few people know what I’m talking about, but most of you are clueless to this change. It’s sort of the “De-evolution Of H….” A step backwards for a man who not only thinks progressively, but at one point in time didn’t’ give a fuck about what you think at all…. Let’s call it a move towards what is unknown to me, but is working for me at the moment.
#CONFESSION: Clueless is one of my favorite movies ever.
So what’s the deal?
I am attempting to get more in touch with “GOD.” Yeah, I always believed in “GOD,” but not in the religious sense, but more in the sense of someone who put us all here on a path to where he/she (“GOD”) wants us to end up. And I can’t front I’ve been blessed with opportunity after opportunity to do something more with this life of mine and I’m always kind set off my path by distractions. Distractions…
Yeah what I call “distractions,” some of you call “Sins.” I call them distractions because they’re things that lead me off my path and hinder productivity, growth & manifestation of the destiny that is in front of me. I always believed as humans we were put here to expand and grow, not to follow and die… That’s why I could never grasp certain concepts that people live by…. Things like religion, substance abuse, relationships, etc… I dabbled in all of them, but couldn’t commit myself to any given concept because none ever made real sense in my “BIG PICTURE.”
#CONFESSION: I don’t believe in Hell, but I’ve been there…
But as I’ve “Devolved” and thought about some conceptions like “relationships” and “religion” in particular, they started to make more sense to me and I can honestly say that they’re not such a bad thing… See, I’ve always considered myself to be sort of a cold hearted person. I see people as expendable assets in life. Friends come and go, you talk to family… Well you talk to family whenever it’s that time to get together and after one particularly horrible experience in long term relationships with a women… I kind of gave up on wanting that type of commitment for awhile….
It wasn’t until recently when I started to see “relationships” as more of an “understanding” rather than a game of “like & love.” For instance; I like and love a particular type of woman, but I’d only love a woman who understands and accepts me. I like and love friends who like to have fun and do the same things I do, but I love my friends who have been loyal, upfront, caring and of course understanding. It’s easy to have a circle of friends who smile in your face, but only seem to care when you’re giving 100% of you at your best all the time. “Fair Weather Friends” is what I call these people. My friends… They’ve always been there no matter what. That small circle of people I count on has never let me down. So I’ll always have their back, no matter what and I know they’ll have mine.
As far as relationships with women… I’ll only respect a woman in my life who has the heart to respect me for who I am and not only what I do and/or what I believe in. I’ve learned through years of playing games with women that they will believe anything when they’re into you. Doesn’t matter what you tell them. I’ve gotten so sick of playing that game that I’ve honestly started to not give a fuck about what women think of me, but more or less want to know… ===> Do they like what I’m thinking or even care to understand??? and vice-versa. If we can’t connect mentally there’s no chemistry to me….
#CONFESSION: I’m more scared of death coming to those I care about more than it coming to me…
So what do relationships have to do with this notion of “due diligence?”
Well… like I said, I’ve been trying to develop a better relationship with God and I need to do my research before I commit to anything. So I need examples… Friends, Family, Women… All relationships I want to to mirror that of one I’d have with God that works, but where do I begin though…
Throughout my life I’ve never been inclined to ask God for any earthly thing or even ask him for forgiveness for my “distractions.” Why?
Because God’s role in my life has always been as the saving grace… The one who catches me as soon as I start to fall. The protective bubble around me that shields me from harm. It’s been an interesting/fulfilling relationship indeed, but a turbulent one just the same. But over the past 3-4 months I’ve had some eye opening and a truly enlightening experiences that kind of make me want to get more familiar with the Creator. I’ve also learned that modern religion is even more bullshit than I thought it was. I’ve learned that faith makes us believe in fairy tales. I’ve learned to truly believe in something is more of a life long commitment and not just saying you believe in a set of rules and regulations that might get you somewhere WHEN YOU DIE.
But really though… Why are we so concerned about dying when there’s so much to live for?
I don’t know… And I also don’t know why I even have these questions in my head right now… I’ve pondered over the fact that to change my train of thinking is not an easy task, but when someone does it fucks with my mind to the point where I’ll let these questions consume me till I come to a definitive answer and that’s where I sit now… Pondering… Investigating something that will potentially throw me off my path or set me back on it.
So with a lot of thought and DUE DILIGENCE I have to say I do want a better relationship with God and I’m going to start by learning his word and possibly praying from time to time…
It scares the shit out of me to even think that I’d actually be one of “those people,” but I guess I am… After-all I did go to Catholic School 🙂 and at the end of the day God put us here and he’s here to listen… And that’s all I need him for is ===> JUST TO LISTEN.
….I’m not going to be any different or “change.” I’m still going to be boarder-line misogynistic, I’m still going to talk my shit, I’m still going to be the best family & friend I can be to those I love and I’m still going to believe that life is to be lived to the fullest. So pop a bottle or pop a pill, whatever works for you… Whatever makes you happy… Just know that the consequences are on the individual and that God can only listen to you, not guide you to your answers… We’re all set to go on a particular path and to those of us that are blessed enough there’s no changing the direction we’re headed in. The only bumps in the road come from the decisions we make that put things out of line, but that’s life…
“I’d take some things back if I could…. but I can’t cuz it’s life!” -Nickelus F
#CONFESSION: I still believe LOVE conquers all…. Though I haven’t had much luck in Love & War…
Feels good to get that off my chest and now I leave it open to interpretation on my readers… What do you think? Am I moving away from my destiny or am I setting myself on the right path?
I honestly can’t say for myself… All I know is that I feel enlightened and fulfilled recently and what I’ve learned has made me think twice before acting and I feel like I’ve gained a wealth of knowledge that has made me feel better overall. As time goes on I might feel something else, but we’ll see… 🙂
#CONFESSION: I #Care
XXXO,
– H Diddy Blogger…
…:::MOOD MUSIC:::…
“Being my bloodline is one with the divine. In time brother, you will discover the light. Some say that God is Black and the Devil’s White… Well, the Devil is wrong and God is what’s right. I fight, with myself in the ring of doubt & fear. The rain ain’t gone, but I can still see clear… As a child, given religion with no answer to why. Just told believe in Jesus cause for me he did die. Curiosity killed the catechism. Understanding & wisdom became the rhythm that I played to and became a slave to master self. A rich man is one with knowledge, happiness & his health. My mind had dealt with the books of Zen, Tao the lessons, Koran and the Bible, to me they all vital and got truth within them, gotta read them boys. You just can’t skim them, different branches of belief, but one root that stem them, but people of the venom try to trim them and use religion as an emblem. When it should be a natural way of life… Who am I or they to say to whom you pray ain’t right? That’s who got you doing right & got you this far… Whether you say “in Jesus name” or Hum do Allah. As long as you know it’s a bein’ that’s supreme to you, you let that show towards others in the things you do… “ – Common
H Diddy Blogger 