We all miss the bigger picture when it comes to what we truly do and don’t know about the universe around us. Even though I believe in God have faith in my religious views, there’s always going to be a lingering question of why and how God did it. I say this just because there’s no point to what we’re doing in our lifetimes, if it’s not all towards the same end goal for EVERYONE. And if that end goal doesn’t exist, are we all living in vein because of our nature as humans?
We (including me) just want the Universe (and on a more level term the World) to be for the purpose of our own needs and/or desires.
If you care to watch the video I posted below, you can see that my buddy Neil deGrasse Tyson makes a good point in saying, “To assert that the universe has a purpose, implies a desired outcome. But who would do the desiring? And what would that desired outcome be?“
If you see things as they are and not for what you wish them to be, maybe the Universe… Maybe the World would be a better place to live just because we’ll all sort of be on the same page. (God willing)
To clarify ===> We all have a purpose in the here and now, but realistically we create our own purpose in our minds for when we expire (Heaven, Hell, Boats, Hoes, etc…) But truth be told, only God can really make the real end call for anyone of us. So no matter what we do, we’re pretty much here for whatever God already has planned for us. So do what you do, but do it with the understanding that, no matter what it is you do, there’s only ONE that can judge you.
I’m just sayin’…
I come up with titles for blogs before I actually come up with the subject matter for what I’m writing about most of the time. This time around the title came more so from the subject matter and not the need for an eye catching title… I must admit that Because I Fucking Lied To A Priest is pretty trill though. And the reality is I’m just speaking from my heart and of course my mind. So take from it what you want. This one is about how I became who I am and how I’m becoming what God has planned for me.
Let’s start from the beginning…
I trace my roots in ideology back to my first Confession when I was maybe 5 or 6 years old. I was a pretty straight up character back then. Had a nice head of hair, got my cheeks pinched a lot by the adults, Catholic School uniform always fresh, but I was pretty naive about the world and people in general at that age. It was not till my first Confession where I realized that I had some real insight to what made people function.
First, the act of “Confessing” is a rite of passage for Catholics in general. You basically air your dirty laundry out to a priest and the priest instructs you to do a series of prayers to absolve you of your sins. What most of us don’t realize is, at a really young age these certain rites of passage become sort of a crutch for us. They make us feel less guilty about things we do and more confident that we’ll be forgiven for really bad things we’ve done. For me, at that age, it was more or less something I had no clue about, but had to do because that’s what we did. I was in Catholic school (Duh). When I was “forced” to confess my “sins” that first time I had no clue what I was committing myself to. I totally fell into a state of real question asking and answer seeking later on in life because of the serious mark my first confession left on me emotionally & mentally.
Basically, I went into my first Confession not truly understanding what “sin” was. I learned from school it was this one thing – Don’t lie, don’t steal, don’t kill, don’t blah, blah, blah… So yeah of course I didn’t do that shit… But I went into this confession for an awkward two to three minutes and end up lying to the priest just to appease his need for me to confess something to God…. I had no clue what sin I had actually committed before all this, so I made up something and said I lied to my mum once, which in turn made my first Confession my first real sin in hindsight. How ironic…. Long story short he got what he wanted and blessed me and moved on to the next kid.
That experience got me thinking and kind of made me look back on certain things… Things like innocents, love, understanding, etc. Things I totally had become oblivious of because I started to believe people’s lies and my own lies later on in life… I slowly developed into this person that could give you what you wanted to hear, not what you needed to hear. Unfortunately God makes this “talent” of administering these “Beautiful Lies” only redeemable in certain lights. I can’t seem to lighten up my words or lie to people I actually care about. I try to, but I can’t… It’s funny though… The harsher, the more condescending, sarcastic and patronizing I am to those I love, it seems to make them kind of gravitate towards me even more because I’m not scared to tell them the Truth. Some appreciate it… Others feel like I’m “evil…” Some just choose to not acknowledge that maybe I’m right because I’m saying what the fuck everyone else is thinking.
Maybe it’s because I fucking lied to a priest and realized down the line that telling people what they want to hear isn’t always going make you the bigger or better person in the all seeing eyes of God… Not saying anything at all (especially to those you love) doesn’t make you the bigger or better person either. Watching the world from the sidelines and not doing shit to change that doesn’t make you a better person either. Being true to yourself and doing whatever you feel is right for you does make you the bigger and better person though. I can’t say what’s wrong or right for anyone except me, but I do have a talent for seeing the Truth past all the lies we want to believe. The sad truth is that like that priest, we all love to be lied to.
ME though… I see myself finally accepting the fact that I’m not as perfect as the movie I make my life out to be sometimes. I got handed the best and did the worst with it, so now my only desire is to start over… Go back to where I came from to make things right with God and myself. I’ve never been scared to move on or up… I just was always content because the blessings seemed to be never ending, but it didn’t cause any type of real fulfillment in my life till I discovered what God really has planned for me. What’s crazy is that even with that knowledge, it really hasn’t changed me much…
My friends and family tell me, “I have a good heart and soul and should focus my energy towards different “people” and I’ll be happier.”
Whatever that shit means… I don’t’ know, but maybe they’re right. Or maybe I really haven’t done a daaam thing that proves I even have a heart or soul so I try to please everyone. Or the reason I lied to that priest is because I couldn’t admit that maybe, just maybe I’ve been flawed since birth like they say in the Bible (Forgive me I was line 6 years old dogg). Or maybe, I’m just lying to myself right now and justifying everything I think is wrong about me with some bullshit about me lying to a priest and this is all some creative writing mind fuck.
See… Don’t ever think I don’t give you (the reader) the option to form your own conclusion because we all do it with our own lives anyway; with self righteousness notions about how we “want” to live, a false sense of understanding and a lack respect and love for the 6 billion other people we share this planet with. It’s sad, but true God may have messed up by giving us too many options for away out of trouble.
The question is, is there only one way out?
The answer is YES and NO. It depends on what school of thought you’re drawing from and if we learn to accept 6 billion plus people’s opinions, cultures mindsets and hearts, maybe there would be more love and less lies in this world.
So yeah, the fact I’m still here is living proof that there’s more to it than what we see and hear. I’ll get more into that when I write my next blog… Money, Models & Molly. This one is going to be change a lot of the way you look at those 3 words.
“Head shot, didn’t die. God got a plan for you.” ~French Montana “Sanctuary”